Trump Unveils New 2020 Campaign Slogan: “Make the Confederacy Great Again”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump avoided the White House Correspondents’ Dinner this weekend and instead headed to Pennsylvania to give a rally in his honor, and in support of his agenda, which many see as having hit major stumbling blocks in recent weeks. The Trump administration doesn’t seem at all reticent about campaigning for a second term, even though we’re just barely over one hundred days into their first. Their decision to run headlong into the next presidential campaign led the Trump team to unveil their new, 2020 slogan.

“Make The Confederacy Great Again.”

Aides close to the president say that his new campaign slogan had been on his mind during an interview with The Washington Examiner in which he openly mused as to why the U.S. had needed to fight its Civil War. Many were shocked and taken aback by his comments, which seemed to also imply that the notoriously racist Andrew Jackson would have done a better job than President Abraham Lincoln, who was the first president from Trump’s party to hold the highest office.

“I mean had Andrew Jackson been a little bit later you wouldn’t have had the Civil War. He was a very tough person, but he had a big heart,” Trump said during an interview with the Washington Examiner’s Salena Zito. (source)

Trump staffers are telling reporters that the president wants to make revitalizing the South a top priority. They’re calling it “the Re-Bellum” in the White House, and Trump himself is personally looking for ways to help the South rise again. Some ideas include Trump buying the corporate naming rights of southern states so that they’d become “Trump’s Mississippi” or “Trump’s Alabama.” Other ideas include abolishing the 13th Amendment to help pay for the construction of Trump’s proposed border wall between the U.S. and Mexico.

“They used to say the South shall rise again,” Trump was overheard telling some staffers, “and clearly my election proves a whole lot of racist Americans wanted to take revenge for the first black president by installing his most racist troll antagonist next. But Steve, and Reince and I were thinking we could update that slogan a bit, and Trump it at the same time. So about about this – Make the Confederacy Great Again! Got a nice ring to it.”

Reportedly, Mr. Trump is considering backing out of yet another treaty that he feels was signed by a previous administration that his own team feels is “unnecessary and burdensome.”

“Apparently when this so-called Civil War was finished,” Trump said, “they signed a treaty at Appomattox. Very bad treaty for the South. Terrible. If I had been there, I’d have had my lawyers rip that up and we’d have gotten a much, much better deal for the South, I promise you that.”

This story is developing.

You can follow James on Twitter @JamesSchlarmann.


James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This