Trump Administration Planning ‘Really Bigly Yooge’ 100th Round of Presidential Golf Celebration

Published on

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Now that his presidential administration has passed the highly-anticipated 100 day mark, President Donald Trump told reporters as he left the White House for doughnuts today that he had his “sights set on a much biglier and more importanter” milestone.

“Folks, I have some really big, really important news to share with you all,” Trump said as he was stopped by the press pool, “and I think everyone in the country who isn’t influenced by FAKE NEWS will really love this news. We’re going to throw a big party across the country to honor my one-hundredth round of presidential golf.”

Mr. Trump said that when he came into office, he was handed a book filled with scorecards from eight previous presidents. He noticed that, despite his years of trolling President Obama over it, that his direct predecessor hadn’t logged the most time on the golf course after all. Trump said he saw that as a chance to “one up his urban ass” and has dedicated himself to being the fastest president ever to reach one hundred rounds of golf.

“I’m already playing at a clip that’s double that Kenyan guy’s,” Trump said, “so I think it’s only a matter of time really before I play my hundredth round. At this rate, it should be before the end of the year. But I’m a winner. Winners push themselves. I’ll make it by the summer or more my name isn’t Comrade President Pee Pee Party!”

President Trump said that in his mind, the best measure of a new president’s success is not the 100th day in office after all, but it’s the 100th round of golf played president.

“Really,” Trump said while sniffling, snorting, and wheezing, “the truth is that the hundredth round of golf is a much more betterer measure of how goodly a president has been presidenting, I think, and I know you all agree with me…all 130 million or so of you that voted for me.”

The press pool erupted. Reporters told Trump he had over-estimated his vote count by double. Trump seemed confused, a little angry even.

“Oh, I was under the impression, and was told this by really smart people — the best people really — that the winner of the Electoral College is awarded the all the popular votes. I’ll have my lawyers look into that. But I’m pretty sure I’m right , so…”

Since being sworn into office in January, Trump has spent nearly every weekend in South Florida at his luxury estate and estimates of the costs for extra security for his trips and to house his son Barron and third wife Melania in New York instead of D.C. have raised eyebrows. Trump waved those concerns off as he bade the pool goodbye.

“It’s good to be the king,” Trump said.





You can follow James on Twitter @JamesSchlarmann.

Latest articles

Want to Read Some Excerpts From The New Bible Trump Is Selling?

When one looks at the life and times of Donald J. Trump, one can't...

I Applaud Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Efforts to Free My Antifa Brethren From Jail

"...imagine my shock and surprise when Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene started her attention whoring...

What If Trump Uses Ivanka’s OnlyFans to Payoff His Rape, Defamation, and Fraud Fines?

"...it turns out Eric Trump  spent all his money this week on magic beans...

I Asked This Grand Wizard Why He’s Voting for Donald Trump and Not the Democrat

Ask any evangelical, Christian conservative and they'll tell you without batting a single eyelash...