WASHINGTON, D.C. — Since his House Select Committee investigating the September 11th, 2012 attacks on a U.S. compound in Benghazi, Libya released its long-awaited report, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) has taken a considerable amount of heat in the press. Gowdy, who led the committee has been criticized for spending $7 million in taxpayer funds on the latest in a string of investigations House Republicans have conducted into the Benghazi attacks, only to find no “smoking gun,” or even anything that could be used against former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton that wasn’t already known from all the previous investigations.
Early Wednesday morning, Gowdy began pushing against criticisms of his committee.
“Some people out there will say we wasted seven million dollars of the taxpayers’ money on a dog and pony show,” Gowdy told reporters at a press conference in the morning, “but you know what? Who’s really to blame is Hillary Rodham Clinton for not being guilty of anything.” Gowdy told the press that “no one would have bat an eye lash at the price tag” of the investigation if it had turned up anything new and “more scandalous” about Clinton’s actions during the attack, but since she remained “stubbornly not criminal or treacherous,” everyone is shifting the blame to his committee.
Gowdy insisted that with “another four years and another $14-22 million in funding, though, that he could “eventually, some day, perhaps, maybe find something to nail [Clinton’s] ass to the wall.” However, Rep. Gowdy hedged a bit when pressed by reporters for specifics of what he’d even be looking for the next time.
“Well, I mean, look,” Gowdy said, “I’m not saying we will or won’t find anything if we spend another few million. But let me ask you this — what does it say about me and my conservative mantra of small government that I’d be willing to spend millions and millions of dollars ultimately to find absolutely nothing criminal? Does it mean I’m full of shit? Does it make me a massive hypocrite? Of course it does. But let me ask you another question. Will by constituents and/or Republicans who simply hate Hillary care if I waste more of their money? Of course not. They’ll keep blaming poor people for taking their tax dollars, but me? I can waste as much money as I want. YEE HAW!”
After spending ten minutes explaining to reporters why he shouldn’t feel bad that he spent $7 million on a fruitless investigation when that money could have been used to help poor or middle class people pay for their student loans or get caught up on their mortgages, or “stuffed up inside” his rectum, Gowdy became a little more docile, more reflective.
“Hey man, I get it,” Gowdy told reporters, “I mean, Republicans would be furious if Democrats spent millions of dollars investigating a tragedy under the auspices of some real, downright criminal negligence having gone down. But then again, I can’t even imagine what they’d investigate that even remotely touches Benghazi in terms of body counts.” Just then someone coughed twice, inserting the words “Nine Eleven” between the coughs.
A single tear fell from Rep. Gowdy’s eye, and he walked away as sad piano music could be heard in the distance.