The Political Garbage Chute reached out to Republican front-runner — and yes since Trump is literally leading the polls at the time this is being published, you read that completely correctly — Donald Trump to find out what kind of songs he was thinking of using as his campaign song. Ronald Reagan famously used Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” not realizing its lyrics held a message about American patriotism that Reagan may not have agreed with. So we wanted to know what kind of songs Trump thought best represented the kind of president he’ll be.
#5. “I’m So Vain” by Cal Simon
“Uh, I don’t know just think this song is about me. I know this song is about me. That’s because every song is about me, because I am Donald J. MotherFuckin’ Trump, the biggest winner to have ever won anything. Just ask my bankruptcy attorneys and multiple ex-wives — I always win, and I will always win. So vote for me, don’t vote for me, I don’t care. I’ll win with or without your votes. Trump ’16!”
“This one’s more a message for my opponents, Democrat or Republican. Though, I guess it’s also a message for anyone dumb enough to not see I’m the one they should be voting for. I’m Donald MotherFuckin’ Trump! Everything I do turns to gold! I’m the embodiment of class and decorum, and dare I say it — presidentality. So clearly if you’re not on Team Trump, you’re a loser and you probably listen to this song all the time in your bed, crying big, fat, loser tears.”
“This is one of my absolutely favoritist songs of all time. Some folks are born silver spoon in hand, and I am that folk. I am very much so a Fortunate Son, but this song is about telling people unfortunately, son, you won’t have a job when you get out of college because I’m going to help the oligarchy first, and no one else second.”
#2. “Any Song As Long As It’s Not Written By Mexican Rapists and Drug Dealers”
“I pretty much will use any song I want to on the campaign trail. The only rule I have is that it not be written by anyone with any Latino or Hispanic blood. I will not risk using a song written by a rapist or drug dealer. I will not let my campaign be a sanctuary for killers and rapists, which is what not all, but let’s face it the vast and overwhelming majority of anyone living south of Boulder, Colorado are, if you ask me.”
“Why would I choose this song for my campaign song? Well, for starters it delivers the absolutely perfect message. No one should be surprised by this, since I don’t associate myself with anything but the utmost of perfection and success. But I want to tell voters, ‘hey, come go with me’ back to the greatest days our nation has ever seen. Oh, and also some of the lyrics perfectly describe not only policy ideas, but the kinds of voters that would actually vote for me. Dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb. Dumby-dooby-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb-dumb. Dumby-dooby-dumb. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah.”