TN Lawmakers Appoint Matt Walsh and Ben Shapiro Official State Gender Inspectors

Republican lawmakers in the State of Tennessee held a closed-door session late last night, and emerged having created a new State Board of Gender Inquisition and regulation. Two hosts and commentators from The Daily Wire will be the board’s chief gender inspectors.

“Keeping in line with our goals of making government so small it can slip under your bathroom door and peak at your pecker or anti-pecker while you poop, we have established the Tennessee Gender Identity Confirmation Task Force,” State Senator Tom Thompaulsen (Q-Deer Lick County) announced last night, “and we are so thrilled to announce that Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh will be directly in charge of the task force’s actions and policies.”

In a brief joint written statement, Shapiro and Walsh thanked the Tennessee Republicans for “having the clarity of foresight and wisdom of the ages to tell the woke mob to eat shit.”

“Clearly, the great Republican lawmakers of Tennessee saw a fantastic opportunity for fascist, religious extremist synergy, and didn’t hesitate to act on that opportunity,” Shapiro and Walsh wrote. “We already think about American genitals so much, and kid’s genitals even more so, that this is a no-brainer. Obviously, the Tennessee Gender Identify Confirmation Task Force will let us leverage our obsession, and help assure every resident of the Yellowhammer State what kind of dangly or tucked-up parts the person pooping in the stall next to them has. As God truly intended. Amen.”

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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