‘This country will never elect a socialist!’ – Woman Who Said No Black Man Would Ever Be President

GLEN SPRINGS, CONNECTICUT — Susan Haroldson is a 44-year-old mother of three. She is a lifelong, proud liberal progressive, and according to her she will “go down swinging” for the progressive causes of her day. Susan is also a very proud supporter of Hillary Clinton. Susan also doesn’t feel that Bernie Sanders — whose ideas she admits are “quite refreshing and plausible given that other countries employ them in some form or another successfully” — is electable.

“This country will never elect a socialist!” Susan was driving our reporter to the grocery store with her as she made her weekly shopping trip. Susan said that while she is “very pleased” that Senator Sanders has entered the race because she agrees with “nearly everything” he is talking about, but that she “just doesn’t see how a socialist will get elected.”

Susan did foresee one way that Sanders could “pull off a stunner,” as she put it.

“I suppose if everyone who said they like Bernie and his policy goals actually showed up to vote for him, he could win,” she said, then added, “I guess if everyone who thinks he can’t win because not enough people would show up to vote for him actually showed up to vote for him, too. So votes. If he gets more votes than the person he’s going against, he might win, I guess.”

Then we asked Susan how she rated Barack Obama’s chances in 2008.

“Of course I didn’t think he had a snowball’s chance in Hell,” she told us, “and that’s why I was a Hillary supporter then. It just seemed like Obama was too, what’s the word, black. Not for me. I’m a progressive liberal. I mean for the racists in the country he was just too black for them to get over their racism, I thought.” She took a moment then said, “But of course I was wrong and he won, thank God!”


We asked Ms. Haroldson if she switched her support to Obama after he defeated her candidate in 2008, and she told us, “Of course I did. I’m not about to let a Republican win!” Then we asked if she’d vote for Bernie Sanders if Hillary didn’t get the nomination. “Well, now, that’s a tough one, because remember, socialism. To me, I almost want to give the GOP what they want by not voting for Sanders even though I agree with him and his policies would help me, because again, socialism.”

“I’m still really undecided, I guess, “Susan told us as the interview ended. “Because yeah, it seems like on paper that someone who is drawing thousands and thousands of people to his rallies and gaining the support of Americans everywhere is electable, but then again…socialism. The last time a candidate ran an openly democratic socialist platform it was so unpopular he was only elected four times. So we should be really careful is all I’m saying.”

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

More Articles Like This