What is Foodporn? I use the term all the time on my Instagram posts- #foodporn #food #foodie #yummy #dinner #etc.- but I didn’t really know what it meant. After some googling, I found out that it doesn’t have to mean Have sex with this food. It’s more like, Don’t you want to have sex with this food? Doesn’t that look hot?
Food and Porn go together.
Desire. That’s a big part of food. Desire is a twisted sister of hunger. Don’t you want some?
Watching is a big part of pornography.
Let’s watch some food. Get that Desire fire stoked. If you are a patron of The Food Network, you are pretty much a fan of Foodporn.
And it is addicting. We have become a society of people watching other people make food as we eat our dinner while discussing what we are going to have for breakfast tomorrow.
At the core, we are bunch of perverts getting all worked up over a plate of steaming chocolate chip cookies.
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Well, I’m always looking to capitalize on a fad. That’s what food blogging is all about. “What’s the next Avocado Toast?” If you can’t find the next Avocado Toast, then make it up. I’m going to start a New Fad using the popularity of #FoodPorn as inspiration.
I present to you #FoodErotica. Foodporn for the Refined.
These are not stories of people boning food, I promise. These are stories to make you want to Masticate. Take in some Take out. Make you wanna pork out one on some lovely finger foods.
Go grab a Snack, pour a glass of Chablis and get ready to devour some sustenance. Here we go.
Foodie Francis Presents Tales Of FoodErotica.
Today’s Comestible Adventure— “Clean Your Plate”
We must preheat the oven before we can get cooking. How hot do you want it? 350? 400 degrees? You don’t want it too hot, you might burn your meat. Let’s take it easy. Do some slow-cookin’. 325 on the dial. We can always Turn It Up if you need it.
Let’s put everything in its place first. Mise En Place is French for Foreplay. Kinda. It really means just getting everything set up so we can have a good time baking and broiling. Carrots diced. Spices measured. Pots and pans nice and clean. Soaped up and then rinsed off. You like it clean?
Now you ready to feed that belly? Nourish that need by chopping on some greasy foodstuff. All natural, 100% grade “A” nutriment. Yum for the Tum. Hope it sits well in your stomach and you don’t need any antacid or anything. Did you take your Prilosec? Try not to burp….
That’s how you like it. You dirty, hungry, person. Clean your plate. Here’s a napkin.
So… You want some food now or what?
That’s all I got. Writing #FoodErotica makes me feel a little yucky, to be honest. So, I can only do it in little doses before I get weirded out. Hope you liked it though and look for more “Tales Of FoodErotica” coming to a table near you soon. Maybe.
“Foodie” Francis Morgan is a stay-at-home food blogger and Fast Food enthusiast. He is an “Everyman” who eats food “Everyday.”
Follow him on Instagram @foodiefrancis
