Texas Man Thinks Wife’s OB is a Groomer Because They Couldn’t Find the Fetus’s Genitals

FT. SHITLIP, TEXAS — A man in the Lonestar State filed a suit in court yesterday, demanding damages from his wife’s obstetrician-gynecologist. The lawsuit claims that Dr. Lyle Miles caused “irreparable harm” to Gary and Kerry McSherry during their last appointment, at which Dr. Miles performed a sonogram ultrasound.

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“We’re suing the doctor what couldn’t find our baby’s twig and berries, or hoo-ha, during our sonogram appointment last week. We are a good, clean, ammo hoarding, Christian American patriotic family, and that’s why we believe in our hearts that the most important thing in your life is what’s between your legs, and the gender that FORCES YOU BY GOD’S NATURAL LAW to identify with,” Gary told reporters. “My wife and I were devastated to find out that Dr. Miles couldn’t identify the genitals on me and Kerry’s baby. Quite frankly, it raised a lot of suspicions on my part. How could a so-called doctor not be able to find my baby’s junk?”

When Dr. Miles was unable to find the fetus’s genitals, he said it was because the fetus wouldn’t “cooperate,” which the McSherry’s did not take as a joke. Instead, Gary says that comment “set off alarm bells.”

“Why does an adult need a baby to cooperate if it ain’t for grooming purposes? Suddenly, it all started to make sense. It’s like Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley said, you don’t need to be a biologist to tell the difference between boys and girls, and anyone who can’t, surely must be a groomer,” Gary explained. “Hair-go, when you look at it logical-istically speaking, the only conclusion is that Dr. Miles is a groomer.”

Dr. Kyle, in a written statement, denied any allegations of wrongdoing. There has been no date set for the trial, but Gary is hoping that a hearing will be put on the court’s docket soon. Mr. McSherry said Kerry would give her opinion on the matter, but living in Texas, by law should could only do so if Gary was dead or incapacitated.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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