Texas Passes Law That Requires KISS and G.W.A.R. to Play Without Makeup

Musical acts touring the Lone Star State may have to alter their stage show, thanks to a new law signed by Texas Governor Greg Abbott today. Citing specific bands like KISS and G.W.A.R., Abbott signed a law that expressly forbids biological males from wearing makeup and performing in public.

We spoke to Cal Bakinbuhrger, a member of the Abbott press office, about why the governor signed the new law onto the books.

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“Governor Abbott, like all good, clean, ammo hoarding, God fearing, American Christian patriots, is laser-focused on the issues that matter most to Texans,” Bakinbuhrger told us. “Which, once you take inflation, crime, climate change, and whether their kids will get gunned down in third grade away, the issue that matters most is not knowing what your neighbor’s genitals look like. And Governor Abbott knows that men in makeup only confuses Christian conservatives on that subject even more.”

Bakinbuhrger said Abbott decided to target KISS and G.W.A.R first because he was shown videos of their prior performances, and was so incensed he had to act on what he’d learned. However, he also knew that he had to act fast to keep male rock stars out of stage makeup in Texas.

“I think if David Bowie had been touring Texas in this day and age, our governor would probably have him locked up, but he’s going to make sure that every musician who comes through this state knows that we don’t do drag here,” Bakinbuhrger said, “and unless he acted now, who knows when some teenager would grab his mom’s eyeliner and slap it on before he went and played the local honky tonk?”

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Freedom feels different in #Texas #lgbt🌈 #satire #KISS #GWAR #politics #political #politik #dragshows

♬ original sound – James Schlarmann – James Schlarmann

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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