Ted Koppel Suggests Sean Hannity Look Into Whether Obamacare Covers ‘Burns and Public Butt-Hurt’

NEW YORK, NEW YORK — A day after an interview aired in which veteran news anchor Ted Koppel told Fox News Host Sean Hannity that he was “bad for America” to his face, Mr. Koppel reached out to Hannity with an olive branch.

In an interview Koppel conducted with Hannity, national headlines were made when the Fox News anchor asked Koppel for his thoughts on Hannity’s show. Mr. Hannity asked if Mr. Koppel thought Hannity’s show was “bad for America.” Koppel, without hesitation, told Hannity that he did in fact believe that.

“You have attracted people that have determined ideology is more important than fact,” Koppel told Hannity to his face, setting the Internet abuzz.

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Monday morning, Koppel sent his email to Hannity, in an apparent attempt to show compassion and sympathy for the public drubbing Mr. Koppel doled out.

“Sean, saw your meltdown on Twitter about the interview and got very concerned for you,” Koppel told Hannity in an email, “and I think it might be good if I offer you some advice. Not so much from a ‘newsman to newsman’ perspective since you’re not a journalist in the slightest sense. But rather, just from a man to man-baby point of view, if you get my drift.”

Koppel’s email was sent early Monday morning, marked as “Urgent” priority, and had a subject line that read, “Down Feel Down in the Dumps, Lumps, I’ve Got a Cure For Your Butthurt.” A few animated GIF files were attached as well, showing various small children crying, and the words, “This is you,” written underneath them. Koppel suggested to Hannity that he look into getting treated for his “epic burns” and he even had an idea where the Fox host might find treatment.

“The good news for you,” Koppel said, “is that Obamacare is still the law of the land. So even if being a whiny, lying sack of shit is considered a pre-existing condition by the insurance carriers, Obamacare should still cover your epic burns and very public butt-hurt. But you know, caveat douchebagger. You should definitely do your research.”

Hannity did not immediately respond to Koppel’s emails, or to requests for comment on this story. However, later in the morning Hannity tweeted and called Koppel “an obvious communist” and that he would spend the next week on his show getting to the bottom of of his “obvious and strong ties to Obama’s deep state actors.”

This is a developing story.

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James Schlarmannhttp://www.facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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