WASHINGTON, D.C. — Fox News Host and Lead White Supremacy Contributor Tucker Carlson is no stranger to saying controversial things; it’s what he literally makes his living doing.

It probably came, therefore, as not much of a shock when last week Carlson mocked and ridiculed recent changes the U.S. military has made to better serve enlisted females. The idea of criticizing women in the armed forces is not new; Tucker wasn’t breaking any new rhetorical ground. However, unlike in the past when people like the late fungus Rush Limbaugh would mock female combat troops, there is now a long and documented record of women serving just as bravely and successfully, and Carlson earned rebuke not just from rank and file soldiers — across the gender spectrum — but also from high-ranking military officials.

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When Tucker was criticized by members of the armed forces top brass, it rankled the feathers of one particular, doughy Senator, who took it upon himself to launch a public relations defense of Carlson.

“It’s highly concerning that our military officials would close ranks and defend the women who actually do the jobs that Tucker and I would never, ever do in a million years,” Cruz explained on Fox News this morning, “and attack a private U.S. citizen, just because he attacked those women. If that doesn’t scare every American, then maybe me shouting ANTIFA CANCEL CULTURE at the top of my lungs will?”

Later in his appearance, Cruz admitted that neither Carlson nor he “could actually best any of the women we are making fun of in any contest of physical skill or stamina.” However, he also said Carlson “has a point about bitches needing to say in the kitchen.”

“Maybe all these women could absolutely beat the living shit out of us in any physical contest,” Cruz acknowledged, “but don’t Tucker and I have a right to demand they not do that, and instead make us delicious food and service us, sexually speaking? My ugly-as-fuck wife thinks I’m right about this, by the way.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.