Marjorie Taylor Greene Files Articles of Impeachment Against Bernie Sanders Mitten Memes

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Not long before Joe Biden became the 46th President of the United States, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) was photographed sitting in a chair, bundled up in a jacked, masked to protect himself and others from the coronavirus, arms folded, and wearing big, patterned mittens. The Internet in general fell in love with the image of the elder statesman so much the photo became instantly iconic and people all over the country started memeing it.

Within moments of the photo circulating around the web, memes were being created and shared. Meme makers everywhere were taking Sanders and putting him, still cross-armed into famous scenes from television shows, movies, and book covers. It seemed like no matter where someone fell on the political spectrum, putting the curmudgeonly at times Sanders into funny situations was an enjoyable experience.

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It was enjoyable for many, however it wasn’t enjoyable for freshman Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene from Georgia. Greene, who openly embraces the Q-Anon conspiracy theory that says the former president was handpicked by God to expose and destroy a Satanic pedophile ring run by the Democrat Party, announced that she was “outraged and angered” by seeing Sanders memes everywhere, and she decided to do something about it.

“As everyone knows I am a big fan of meaningless political theater,” Taylor Greene said, crack smoke pouring out of her mouth as she spoke, her crack pipe firmly in her left hand. “That’s why I filed articles of impeachment against Sleepy Ko Keepy Joe last week, and it’s why this week I’m filing articles of impeachment against Bernie Sanders Mitten Memes.”

Rep. Taylor Greene accused people who make and share the Sanders memes of “trying to make the country die of full-blown socialism.”

“First of off, I’m out here wearing this Stop the Steal Mask for a reason,” Taylor Greene told reporters this morning on the Hill, “and it ain’t because we all know my dear president actually won, if you simply throw out all the votes that make Republicans feel sad. I’m wearing it because spreading Bernie Sanders memes involves stealing memes, and stealing is bad! But of course that’s why socialist commies like Bernie Sanders want you to steal memes of him, so that you end up hating capitalism more. It’s true! Look it up!”

The congresswoman took another enormous pull from her glass dick.

“The first thing I’m going to do on Monday morning, after I wake up and have my staffers fart into my ears to keep my brain active,” Taylor Greene announced, “is march right onto the House floor and files these articles of impeachment against Bernie Sanders memes. You can all thank me after we’ve stopped socialism again.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmann
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.

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