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Trump Also Nominated for Nobel Piece of Shit Prize

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump awoke to some good news for a change. The COVID-19 pandemic is still raging throughout the country, with enormous portions of the economy still under at least some form of restriction...

Flaming Cross to Deliver 2020 RNC Keynote Address

CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA -- Last week, the Democratic National Committee held its annual convention and officially nominated former Vice President Joe Biden as its candidate for the presidency. It was a convention for the record books, but not because...

Trump Wants Pledge Changed to “One Nation, Under Q”

WASHINGTON, D.C. --  It's long been wondered just how much of President Donald Trump's base is made up of people who also happen to believe in the "Q-Anon" conspiracy theory. While we don't have time to get into what...

TikTok Changes Name to COVID-19 So Trump Will Leave Them Alone

CULVER CITY, CALIFORNIA -- In an effort to fend off a regulatory slap and being banned in the United States by President Donald Trump, TikTok has officially changed its name to "COVID-19." MORE: ISIS Offers NRA’s Wayne LaPierre Interim Position "He...

Trump Asks Barr If Democrats Can Be Stripped of Their Citizenship

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Poll after poll is starting to paint a grim, dismal picture of this fall for President Donald Trump's re-election bid. While the president himself keeps pointing to his own internal polls -- which he won't share...

Devin Nunes Questions Founders’ Motives for Not Allowing Presidents to Delay Elections

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Can the President of the United States of America, with all the powers the office grants them, postpone or delay a presidential election? If one asks the Constitution and legal scholars, the answer is "no." For...

Trump Demands MySpace Make Him Part of Everyone’s Top 8

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today on the Hill, a House special select subcommittee hosted executives from some of the top tech companies in the country. Execs from Facebook, Google, Amazon, and Apple all testified before the committee, which has been...

Trump Paid the President of Florida to Take Cognitive Test for Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sources close to the situation are reporting that President Donald Trump attempted to pay someone else to take a recently administered cognition test for him. MORE: Eric Trump Joins In The Fun: “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV,...

Twitter Will Start Slapping “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Warning on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most powerful man in the world. MORE: Donald Trump Jr: “Americans Need to Go Back to Pretending...

Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA -- Every couple of weeks, 40 year old computer programmer Jim Lawrence buys a half-ounce of cannabis, or marijuana, from Michael Marshall. Michael and Jim each say they like each other well enough, however both...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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