Weed

Sha’Carri Richardson Suspended After Testing Positive for Snack Enhancing Drug

Olympic sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson will miss her signature 100-meter dash event at the 2021 Summer Olympics in Tokyo, now that she's been suspended. Ms. Richardson's suspension was handed down today, after she tested positive for a "prohibited snack enhancing...

Man and Weed Dealer Have Agreement Not to Discuss Politics

LOS BURRITOS MOJADOS, CALIFORNIA -- Every couple of weeks, 40 year old computer programmer Jim Lawrence buys a half-ounce of cannabis, or marijuana, from Michael Marshall. Michael and Jim each say they like each other well enough, however both...

Is Weed Really Safe? Man Smokes Pot, Suffers Lava Burns 36 Hours Later

How safe is legal weed if you can smoke some literally days later get into an accident?

Cannabis Overdoses Multiplied By Over 1,000,000% in 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute of Drug Policy and Research teamed up with the American Academy of Medicine and conducted a yearlong study of marijuana overdoses last year. The results of the study were published this week in...

Marijuana Overdoses Multiplied By Over 1,000,000% Last Year

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute of Drug Policy and Research teamed up with the American Academy of Medicine and conducted a yearlong study of marijuana overdoses last year. The results of the study were published this week in...

Surgeon General: Teens and Pregnant Women Should Avoid Cannabis and Driving Cars Off Bridges

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Surgeon General issued a warning to Americans this week, urging adolescents and pregnant women to avoid ingesting cannabis and/or driving their cars off bridges. "In the interest of reiterating obvious as hell warnings about very common...

7 Signs Your Cat Wants to Get Baked and Watch “Queer Eye” With You

For years, zoologists and veterinarians have known but not understood a curious fact about common domesticated house cats. That fact is: They love to get high and watch episodes of "Queer Eye" on Netflix. The fact that cats like...

Jeff Sessions Can Finally Unwind, Smoke a Doob, and Forget About Persecuting Brown People Awhile

GREEN FIELD SPRINGS, CALIFORNIA -- Just after former Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced his resignation, he boarded a privately chartered plane, and took off for California. Sessions knew exactly where he wanted to go, and what he wanted to...

Musk Invests $10 Million in Startup Bong Company

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Elon Musk made major headlines when he appeared on comedian Joe Rogan's podcast and the pair enjoyed a marijuana, or "Jazz" cigarette together. Apparently, Mr. Musk got quite the taste for cannabis thanks to that...

Historians Discover George Washington’s Long Lost Weed Stash

FREDERICKSBERG, VIRGINIA -- In an extremely unforeseen development, President George Washington's personal cache of marijuana, presumed by historians to be lost for over 200 years, has been discovered underneath socks in a sock drawer in a home Washington spent...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How didĀ thisĀ end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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