vaccines

Man Outraged FBI Called Him About Death Threat He Issued to Son’s Third Grade Teacher

LOS TERRORISTAS BLANCOS, CALIFORNIA -- Many Americans who live in other states have come to view California as a big, blue monolith. After years of progressive politics dominating the state legislature, and considering California hasn't gone for a Republican presidential...

Flynn: “Q Told Me Biden is Putting COVID Vaccines in Busch Beer and Marlboro Reds”

Disgraced former General Mike Flynn is pretty sure that the Biden administration is sneaking COVID-19 vaccines into the bodies of unsuspecting members of MAGA nation; he's just not entirely sure which methods the government is using. Already this week,...

Ivanka Confirms No Change in Her Dad’s Balls Since Getting COVID-19 Vaccine

NEPOTISM LAKE, FLORIDUH -- It's probably the most frequently asked question at every American dinner table this week: Will getting a COVID-19 vaccine shot have an effect on your testicles? Assuming one has them, the issue of whether or not...

Tucker Carlson Will Interview Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Balls on Tonight’s Show

"I really think it makes sense for a dick like me to interview a couple of nuts." - Tucker Carlson Tonight, Fox News host and white supremacist Tucker Carlson will have a guest that is sure to make headlines the...

Club Owner Not Sure Who This “Jim Breuer” Guy Is, But Is Requiring Audience Vaccination Anyway

"You're saying he's done something remotely comedic in the last 20 years?" HARDIHAR FALLS, MINNESOTA -- Recently, vintage comedian Jim Breuer announced that he would not book any shows with venues that require audiences to get a COVID-19 vaccination before...

Dr. Alex Jones Prescribes 30 mg of Chemtrails and Frog De-Gayer for Joe Rogan’s COVID

FT. DIPSHIT, TEXAS -- Yesterday, to the shock of absolutely nobody who passed high school biology class, vaccine and mask skeptic Joe Rogan announced on his extremely popular podcast that he contracted COVID-19. "BROS AND LADY-BROS! I HAVE SOME SUPER...

Local Moron Sees Inconvenience as Tyranny

LAKE SKIPPY, TENNESSEE -- Jack "Dipshit" McPhuckphace is known throughout his sleepy town as a moron. In fact, McPhuckphace is such a moron he's won a prize at the state fair each year for the last two decades for...

DeSantis Orders All Florida High Schoolers to Participate in Unvaccinated Make-Out Parties

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) has issued an ultimatum to every high school student in his state -- make out with someone who has COVID, or else. "With this order, the people of Florida can rest assured that...

CDC: Increased Risk of COVID Infection After Exposure to Blathering, Right-Wing Morons

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The CDC held an urgent press conference this morning during which Dr. Allison Cooper stopped just short of begging Americans to turn off Fox News, OAN, and NewsMax. "At this point in time, what we can say...

Unvaccinated America First Patriot Refuses to Wear a Mask or Condom While Raw-Dogging His Cousin

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- In an interview soon to be published in American ConservaFascist Today, Jethro Bohiggins -- right-wing podcaster, singer/writer -- says he will never wear a mask, or a condom, while having sex with his cousin,...
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

Stephen Miller Encourages Trump Supporters to Boycott ‘Reverse Racist’ Black Friday

This week, millions of Americans will celebrate Thanksgiving. Some will embrace a traditional, more whitewashed version of the very...
- Advertisement -spot_img