United States

Officials Fear Major Canadian Comedian Import Deficit If Northern Border Remains Closed

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- If the border between the United States and Canada remains closed for too long, officials fear there could be a major deficit in the importation of comedians from the north. This deficit could absolutely cripple the...

Trump, Un Set ‘Hard And Fast’ Self-Fellatio Time Limit Ahead of Summit

SINGAPORE -- Representatives from President Donald Trump and North Korea's dictator Kim Jong Un announced via a joint statement today that they have agreed upon some very preliminary items head of tomorrow's historic summit between the two countries. "We know...

Mexico Asks Trump to Pay for Northern Border Wall to Keep American Mass Shooters Out

"When the United States issues guns, it's not giving them to their best."

World Leaders Just Want Putin and Trump to Fuck and Get It Over With

The sexually explosive relationship between Putin and Trump has all the U.N. ambassadors concerned, and wishing the two would just get a room together.

President-Elect Trump Names Himself As U.S. Diplomat To Russia

President-Elect Trump's eyebrow-raising administration appointments continue with his self-selection as U.S. Ambassador to Russia.

When Traveling in the U.S., Mexico Advises Citizens to Bring Bottled Water

The government of Mexico doesn't want its citizens drinking American water.

Leaked Script from ‘Thelma & Louise 2’ Staring Donald Trump and Vladmir Putin

Donald Trump and Vlad Putin are so cozy, they plan to make a movie together.

Netanyahu: Western Nuke Deal With Iran a ‘Serious Threat To My Warmongering’

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is not happy about what the new nuclear deal with Iran will mean for his posturing and rhetoric.

U.S. Takes Break From Thumping Its Chest to Slap Itself On Back – With Fireworks!

The Fourth f July is the day of the year that America stops thumping its chest long enough to slap itself on its back for a "job well done" in democracy.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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