Twitter

Musk Bought Twitter a Day Ago and My “@AmericasFirstReichPatriot” Account Still Isn’t Active!

Ummmmmmmmmmmm. What the actual, literal, perpetual fuck is going on over at Twitter? Elon Musk's offer to buy it was accepted more than a day ago, and my old account, which was banned under the previous Leftist Woketopian Twitter...

Of Course I Believe a Billionaire Wants to Protect My Freedom of Speech. I’m a Fucking Moron.

What's all this fuss about Elon Musk's hostile takeover attempt of Twitter? By now, don't we plebs understand that rich, white men are absolutely entitled to take with hostility anything they so desire? So what if Elon's family got rich on the...

If Musk Gets Controlling Stake, The First Thing He’ll Do Is Change Twitter’s Name

Billionaire Elon Musk recently purchased enough shares of Twitter to hold just under 10% of the total. It's not enough for him to gain a controlling interest in the social media company, however rumors are that Mr. Musk is...

Twitter Says Babylon Bee Can Have Its Account Back When It Switches from Hate Speech to Satire

Alleged comedic website The Babylon Bee had access to its Twitter account temporarily suspended this weekend for breaking the social media site's Terms of Service. When it published a headline calling Assistant Health Secretary Rachel Levine, a transgender woman, their "Man of...

Twitter Temporarily Suspends Horse Faced Anti-Vaxxer’s Account

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Horse faced cave troll and freshman Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) won't be tweeting at all for the next seven days. This morning Twitter suspended Greene's account for a tweet about COVID-19 vaccines that...

Whiny Snowflake Troll Suing Twitter and Facebook for Having Rules He Refused to Follow

DIPPSHITT, NEW JERSEY -- In front of a small group of his friends, a whiny snowflake and former, one-term, twice-permanently impeached president announced that he was suing Twitter and Facebook for having rules they reluctantly enforced on him, which...

Wow! Twitter Hasn’t Banned a President of the United States in Over Five Months!

Holy smokes! It's hard to believe, so you better be seated before you read this epic news that just broke from California's Swilly Corn Valley! Are you ready? You've been warned. Twitter hasn't banned the President of the United States...

Whiny Cunt Won’t Stop Complaining About Social Media on Social Media

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- He doesn't have to tweet. There is no clause in the United States Constitution that requires any social media company, much less Twitter, to give an account to the president. Historically, the American people have looked...

Twitter to Start Putting “Emotionally Fragile Idiot” Label on Trump Tweets

SWILLY CORN VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- Yesterday, for the first time ever, Twitter applied real-time fact checks to tweets created and sent by the most powerful man in the world. The social media giant earlier this year issued a statement that...

Gargantuan Dumbfuck Just Can’t Stop Live-Tweeting His Own Impeachment Like The Dumbfuck He Is

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A former D-list reality TV host, a man who somehow convinced 63 million Americans he'd be able to do as President of the United States something he could never do in his business life -- succeed...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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