Tucker Carlson

Man Apologizes for Losing Track of His Dick Long Enough for It to Become Fox News Host

BALLCRUST VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- It's a time in his life Jack Strohkinoff will never forget. "Up to that point, I was known as the guy who never lost a damn thing. Not my keys. Not the TV remote. Nothing," Strohkinoff...

Tucker Carlson Will Interview Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Balls on Tonight’s Show

"I really think it makes sense for a dick like me to interview a couple of nuts." - Tucker Carlson Tonight, Fox News host and white supremacist Tucker Carlson will have a guest that is sure to make headlines the...

CDC: Increased Risk of COVID Infection After Exposure to Blathering, Right-Wing Morons

ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The CDC held an urgent press conference this morning during which Dr. Allison Cooper stopped just short of begging Americans to turn off Fox News, OAN, and NewsMax. "At this point in time, what we can say...

Tucker Carlson: NSA Agents Were in His Closet Spying and One of The Agents Looked at Him

"NSA agents were in my closet, making reports, and I saw one of the reports, and one of the agents looked at me!" - Tucker Carlson On his show this week, Fox News host Tucker Carlson made yet another fairly...

8 out of 10 Klan Members Think Tucker Carlson’s a Little Too Proud of His Racism

A new poll in Crosslight Monthly, a magazine written by and for members of the Ku Klux Klan shows that roughly 80% of respondents think Tucker Carlson is a "little too proud" of being a racist. The poll was featured in...

Boy Calls Child Protective Services After Catching Parents Watching Tucker Carlson

SMITHVILLE, GEORGIA -- Two parents are in custody, and authorities in their small Georgia berg aren't sure exactly what the next stop in the process will be, according to several sources close to the situation. At approximately 8:30pm last...

Breaking: Tucker Carlson Still a Racist Twuntsicle

This is a breaking story, and will be updated as more information is reported and confirmed. NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The International Institute of Finding and Labeling Racists has determined that as of the time of publication, Fox News...

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is no stranger to controversy, to put it lightly. His show isn't even new to advertiser boycotts. However, in the wake of the frozen food heir's recent commentary on...

Fox News Medical Non-Experts Not Sure Americans Should Be Listening to Dr. Fauci Anymore

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Three of Fox News' least-learned and un-certified medical non-experts are starting to form a consensus about a man who actually does have years of training and expertise in the medical field. Not-Doctors Sean Hannity, Tucker...

Trump Drinks Bleach, Tucker Carlson Calls It ‘Second Most Impressive Thing’ Any President Has Done

There is nothing Donald Trump does that is wrong, bad, stupid, dangerous, or idiotic. At least according to super unbiased Tucker Carlson.
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Stephen Miller Encourages Trump Supporters to Boycott ‘Reverse Racist’ Black Friday

This week, millions of Americans will celebrate Thanksgiving. Some will embrace a traditional, more whitewashed version of the very...
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