After Obamacare Repeal Fails, Ted Cruz Says He’ll Have to Return to Killing ‘Zodiac Style Instead’

Senator Ted Cruz tells a church congregation he's got to go back to doing things the old school way, after the GOP can't repeal Obamacare.

Mitch McConnell Wonders If There Really Is A God If He Won’t Let Millions of People Lose Healthcare

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is in the middle of an epic existential crisis, feeling forsook by his lord and savior.

Trump Says He’ll Give Alaska to Russia If Murkowski Votes No on Obamacare Repeal

Senator Lisa Murkowski of Alaska has drawn the ire of our stubby fingered, angry orange orangutan president. Is Alaska on the way back to Russia?

Doctors: John McCain’s Brain Tumor Closely Connected to His Heart, Soul, Humanity

Senator John McCain received a heroes welcome before casting a deciding vote on the healthcare debate.

Susan Collins Declines Duel With Blake Farenthold, Challenges Him to 1 Meter Dash Instead

Rep. Blake Farenthold has said he's so mad at female senators blocking Obamacare's repeal that he'd do an Aaron Burr on them if they weren't women.

John McCain Asks Mayo Clinic to Prepare Brain Surgery Bill in iPhones

How many iPhones would it take to pay for the brain surgery Sen. John McCain just had? He wants to find out.

Mitch McConnell Prays For Jesus’ Guiding Hand To Rip Chemo Treatments Away from Kids With Cancer

Mitch McConnell has resorted to reaching out to a higher power in the pursuit of his dream -- ripping healthcare away from millions of Americans.

EXCLUSIVE LOOK! Leaked Details of GOP’s Top Secret Obamacare Replacement Bill

Republicans have been writing their replacement for Obamacare in secret. But initial details of the law they're drafting have just been leaked.

Paul Ryan Praying God Lets Him Rob Poor People Of Their Access To Doctors Today

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is reaching out to a higher power to help him take away essential health access from poor people.

Woman Phones Doctor, Asks If They Take TrumpCare Tax Cuts As Payment For Breast Cancer Treatments

A local woman has some important questions regarding the logistics of TrumpCare, the GOP replacement for Obamacare.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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