Trump

Trump Promised Rally Crowd: MAGA Will ‘Avenge General Lee and Actually Win the Next Civil War’

CONROE, TEXAS -- This weekend, one-term, twice permanently impeached, defeated former President Don Trump held a klanpaign rally in Texas, and he gave the pro-MAGA crowd everything they wanted. In a long-winded tirade, the former president lashed out at his...

Trump Has Offered to Turn State’s Evidence Against Jared

FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In perhaps an unsurprising twist, former President Don Trump has offered to "give up the goods" on his son-in-law Jared Kushner in exchange for "total and complete immunization" from the New York Attorney General's office. This week,...

Man Says His Trump Flag Represents ‘Heritage, Not Hate’

CORRIGAN, GEORGIA -- In front of Michael Hill's house flies a massive flag, which he says is there to "show the entire neighborhood what real patriotism looks like."  It reads: "TRUMP WON!" Michael says that he will continue to fly the...

Giuliani: Trump Will Will Be Reinstated on August 33rd and Force NY Bar to Readmit Him

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was disbarred this week, meaning that in the Empire State, he is no longer licensed to practice law. Mr. Giuliani was stripped of his admittance to the New...

MyPillow Guy: Sasquatch Will Swear Trump Back Into Office by the End of August

By the end of August, MyPillow CEO and 2002 Crack Weekly's "Crackhead of the Year" Mike Lindell says that Donald Trump will be president again. This morning, Lindell went so far as to say that he knows "exactly who" will perform...

Greene Accuses FBI Agents of Dressing Like Antifa Disguised as MAGA on January 6th

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Former one term, twice-permanently impeached President Donald Trump still has his ardent supporters in Congress. This, despite the fact that Trump helped assemble a violent, angry mob and unleashed them on the capitol, sending them storming...

Dana Rohrabacher Says He Only Attended Trump’s Insurrection to ‘Lend Moral and Tactical Support’

On January 6th, 2021, former President Donald Trump threw up the most significant Hail Mary pass in the history of the United States, but he wasn't on a football field at the time. Instead, he stood before a large,...

Greene: “It’s a Waste of Time to Investigate Why Antifa Dressed as MAGA and Stormed the Capitol”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-MAGA) told reporters this morning on her way into work that she is still "extremely pleased" that Senate Republicans managed to block the formation of a congressional January 6th Commission. Despite the...

McConnell Says He’d Oppose January 6th Commission Even If He Weren’t Covered in Trump’s Ball Juice

"When have you ever known Mitch McConnell to be a petty, partisan hack?" WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Even if he were not completely and utterly drenched, covered head to tail in former President Donald Trump's semen, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell...

Pence’s Publisher Tells Him He Can’t Record Audiobook Until He Removes His Lips From Trump’s Anus

In order to record his audiobook, former Vice President Mike Pence will need to decouple his mouth from his boss's b-hole.
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Latest News

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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