thoughts and prayers

Mike Pence Asks Heaven If Jesus Could Join Coronavirus Response Team

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, the Executive Vice President of Trinity, Inc., held his weekly press conference before the Pearly Gates this morning and discussed a number of topics ranging from "who put the bop in...

God to Americans: “Your Kids Are Making It Here Faster Than Your Thoughts And Prayers”

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, Larry "God" Schumway held a press conference in front of the Pearly Gates, and when asked by heavenly reporters, he spoke briefly about the epidemic of school shootings in the United States. Schumway...

Jesus Christ to Americans: “Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar”

"They aren't going to stop anything, least of which being a high-speed projectile fired at terminal velocity."

Hurricane Harvey: Red Cross Says Thought and Prayer Warehouses Full, Could Use Actual Help Now

The Red Cross wants Americans to consider sending help for Harvey victims that's a little more useful than words and thoughts.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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