Thanksgiving

Tucker Carlson: Dark Meat ‘Doesn’t Belong’ Next to White Meat on His Dinner Plate

When Fox News host Tucker Carlson sits down to eat Thanksgiving Dinner with his entire klan tomorrow, there better not be a single scrap of dark meat on his plate. At least that's the ultimatum that Mr. Carlson told...

Rittenhouse’s Mother Unsure Whether to Seat Him at Kids’ Table or Murderer’s Table

ORENTHAL, ILLINOIS -- For the first time in over a year, Wendy Rittenhouse will have her son back home for Thanksgiving later this week. However, she told Fox News this morning that Kyle's return is already "throwing a wrench"...

Trump Jr. Not Invited to Thanksgiving With President or Man Who Thinks He’s Still President

LAKE MORON, FLORIDA -- Donald Trump Jr. will not be having Thanksgiving dinner with either the current president, or the man who believes he is still president, according to several sources with knowledge of the situation. It would have been...

Trumpist Strikes a Blow for Freedom by Giving His Grandmother Covid-19 on Thanksgiving

DIPSHIT COVE, MICHIGAN -- Stephan Crowzer, a 36-year old self-described "die hard Trumper" told us that he'll never, ever forget how the sunrise looked last Thursday morning. He knew as he watched that hot ball of gas in the sky...

Pentagon Tells Trump U.S. Armed Forces ‘Can’t Afford’ Two-Front War on Christmas and Thanksgiving

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though today is Thanksgiving, it's not a day off for everyone, especially the U.S. Armed Forces. Which is why in the early hours of this morning, the Pentagon prepared a brief for President Donald J. Trump,...

Seating Chart Places President At Kids’ Table for White House Thanksgiving Dinner

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though it's not for another couple of weeks, preparations are underway for another Thanksgiving dinner at the White House under the direction and leadership of President Donald J. Trump. Sources within the administration say that staff...

Turkey Says “Thanks, But No Thanks” to Trump’s Presidential Pardon

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's been a longstanding tradition in America for the sitting president to "pardon" a turkey in the week leading up to Thanksgiving. However, this year the condemned gobbler has issued a statement "passing" on a presidential...

Trump Will Only Pardon Turkey That Voted For Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump said that he would continue a long standing presidential Thanksgiving tradition, and "pardon" a turkey from its fate as dinner. However, Trump also said he was putting his own unique twist...

5 Things Every Socialist Moocher Liberal Should Be Thankful Fo

The following is reprinted from a pamphlet being given by Congressional Republicans to their constituents during town hall meetings in their districts. It's that time of year again. It's Thanksgiving time -- a time of great American tradition and values. So...

Trump Orders the Execution of All Thanksgiving Turkeys Pardoned By Obama

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The first thing President Donald Trump did this morning, after he spent his usual, scheduled, five hours of "executive time" in the bathroom with his iPhone and Twitter, was to sit down at the Resolute Desk...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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