Ted Cruz

Cruz Withholding 2024 Endorsement Until He Hears Every Candidate’s Stance on His Ugly Wife

Though the next presidential election is still over a year away, the machinations involved in selected the two major parties' nominees has already begun in earnest. This week, President Joe Biden officially announced he was running for re-election, and he...

Cruz Says He’ll Be Trump’s Prison Bitch If No One Else Will

Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) has taken to social media in the last few days to defend the man who once publicly called his wife ugly, surprising absolutely nobody. However, in an interview on Newsmax today, Cruz made headlines when...

Legal Experts Sharply Divided on Whether Trump Will Get Conjugal Visits With Ivanka

As the country braces for a potential arrest of former President Donald Trump, a cornucopia of legal questions has arisen. Given that a president has never been arrested before, during, or after they've left office, it's likely not surprising...

Heidi Cruz Asks Trump For Ted’s Balls Back So He Can Suntan Them

Fox News host, and White Nationalist Magazine's "Nazi Cuntwhistle of the Year" for fifteen consecutive years, Tucker Carlson, recently had a guest on his show who gave some rather head-turning advice to men who have lower amounts of testosterone: They...

Cruz Says He Helped Plan Eastman’s Coup Because “Someone Laced Trump’s Taint With Roofies”

Yesterday, a federal judge ruled that Trump loyalist and lawyer John Eastman could not shield over 100 email communications he had with the White House during the time between the November 2020 election and January 6th, 2021. Eastman had...

Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump

If his recent actions are to be taken at face value, it would appear that Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) may be going through a time of inner-reflection and self-discovery, and that his introspection may have led him to question...

Judge Jackson Regrets Not Pre-Insulting Heidi Cruz’s Looks

Now that her confirmation hearings have come to a close, sources say that Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson is feeling pretty good about her chances of ascending to the Supreme Court. Ms. Jackson was nominated by President Joe Biden to...

Ted Cruz Asks Jackson Why She Helped George Soros Create CRT And If Benghazi Was Involved

Things once more got extremely heated today when Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) questioned Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee. This time, Cruz was insistent that Judge Jackson "simply must be...

Ted Cruz: “Did Biden Forget Real Presidents Only Use the State of the Union to S Their Own D?”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was not a fan of President Joe Biden's first State of the Union Address, however that is probably as surprising as finding out that a week's worth of Taco Bell will give you diarrhea as...

Cruz: “Does Joe Biden Really Plan to Go Four Years Not Rage Tweeting About Cable News Ratings?”

https://youtu.be/G8vShObw0t4 An angry Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) took to the Senate floor today and blasted President Joe Biden. The idea that Cruz would criticize the president publicly is likely not shocking to many; he's a Republican and Biden is a...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How didĀ thisĀ end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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