Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz Wants to Know Whether He Can Identify as a Man If He Gets His Balls Back From Trump

If his recent actions are to be taken at face value, it would appear that Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) may be going through a time of inner-reflection and self-discovery, and that his introspection may have led him to question...

Ted Cruz Asks Jackson Why She Helped George Soros Create CRT And If Benghazi Was Involved

Things once more got extremely heated today when Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) questioned Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearing in the Senate Judiciary Committee. This time, Cruz was insistent that Judge Jackson "simply must be...

Ted Cruz: “Did Biden Forget Real Presidents Only Use the State of the Union to S Their Own D?”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was not a fan of President Joe Biden's first State of the Union Address, however that is probably as surprising as finding out that a week's worth of Taco Bell will give you diarrhea as...

CDC Says It’s Now Safe to Remove Your Mask In Order Tell Ted Cruz to Fuck Himself

https://youtu.be/11jCNmjSShA ATLANTA, GEORGIA -- The Centers for Disease Control has issued the following update to their masking guidance. In the interest of public safety, The Political Garbage Chute has elected to re-print the CDC's memo in full, verbatim, below. Since the beginning of...

Ted Cruz Insists He Can Gargle Tucker and Trump’s Fruit Baskets Simultaneously

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Two days ago, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) described the events of January 6th, 2021 using factual terms that appropriately define what happened that day. Cruz, speaking in a Senate hearing, called former President Don Trump's failed...

Ted Cruz Says He’ll Stand Under the Mistletoe With Trump If Ivanka Won’t

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- During a weekly press conference held by Senate Republicans, Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) was asked for his thoughts on whether former, one term, twice permanently impeached President Don Trump should run for his party's nomination again...

Biologists Confirm: Ted Cruz is a Sentient Crotch Cyst

In an unforeseen turn of events, sources say that top Republican brass are weighing their options, and feverishly researching reams of legal documents, and even the Constitution, hoping to find some way to keep one of their most infamous...

Inspired by Cruz, Next Episode of “Sesame Street” Will Be Brought to You By the Letters “C-U-N-T”

Right from its inception, the educational television show "Sesame Street" has sought to inform and teach young kids about the world around them, as well as to instruct them in basic literacy. In the 1970's, the show helped a...

Republicans Race to Defend One of Their Own After Bathroom Confrontation

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressional Republicans have begun to close ranks and circle the wagons in defense of one of their strongest allies -- Democratic Senator Kyrsten Sinema of Arizona. On Twitter, insurrectionist, pro-MAGA Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) blasted conservative CNN...

Cruz Reminds Constituents That The ‘Back Door Means No Babies and No Abortions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American right-wing, particularly those in Evangelical circles, have been pushing make abortion illegal for decades. Ever since the Supreme Court ruled in the early 1970's that before a fetus' medical viability a woman had a...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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