Senate

Georgia Runoff Defeats Break Ancient Spell and McConnell’s Dick Turns Back Into Lump of Coal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It happened with a sort of "cracking" sound, witnesses say. Then, as the crack subsided, a puff of black smoke emitted from the crotch of Senator Mitch McConnell, and in the blink of an eye, his...

Senate Votes to Lower the Law So It’s Just Beneath Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a narrow, nearly party line vote, the U.S. Senate voted to officially lower the law of America so that it rests just below President Donald Trump. "We're sick and tired of people in the media and...

Trump: “They Better Call The Witnesses Who Can Exonerate Me and Who I’m Forbidding to Testify!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- An angry President Trump lashed out at Congressional Democrats, farting wildly and loudly as he did so, and he had harsh words for "any Cuckpublican" in the Senate who votes to allow witnesses to testify in...

McConnell: “American Justice is a Fair Trial Where the Jury is Corrupt, Evidence is Hidden, and Witnesses Can’t Testify”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Though the impeachment process is laid out clearly in the United States Constitution, the when, where, why, and how of it all is left up to interpretation enough that a political fight almost always becomes an...

Rick Scott: “Once Republican Votes Are Counted, There’s No Need to Continue Counting”

LAKE NOSFERATU, FLORIDA -- This week, President Donald Trump weighed in via Twitter on two election recounts currently underway in Florida. Mr. Trump's tweet demanded that the recounts currently being tabulated in the governor's race and the race for one of...

Eric Trump Worried He Won’t Get To Go Down Big Slide After McConnell Cancels August Recess

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A worried and anxious Eric Trump bounded into the Oval Office this morning, pushing past security and throwing the door open, demanding to know as he did why Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell canceled most of...

Mark Zuckerberg Enters 20th Hour Explaining To Chuck Grassley That He’s Not The “You’ve Got Mail” Guy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A very patient and stoic Mark Zuckerberg, CEO and co-founder of Facebook, is still sitting in the same chair he sat down in almost a full day ago, explaining to a Republican senator who he is,...

Trump’s Bone Spurs Flare Up As He Tweets Insult Over Senator Blumenthal’s Vietnam Service

President Trump used Twitter today to attack Senator Richard Blumenthal's Vietnam War record; and immediately his bone spurs acted up.

President Trump Asks Mitch McConnell To Change Senate Rules To Single Vote Threshold For Everything

After another harsh political defeat, Trump asks Mitch McConnell to change the Senate rules for him.

Jeff Sessions Hits a Jay Because He’s ‘Super Duper Freaking Out’ Before His Senate Testimony

Before Attorney General Jeff Sessions goes before the Senate in an open hearing, he needs a little herbal relaxation to calm the situation.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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