Science

The Political Garbage Chute

Ted Cruz Wants NASA to Turn Old Shuttles into Chick-Fil-A’s

James Schlarmann -
Senator Ted Cruz has a new idea to try and help the federal government make a little dough while also simultaneously knocking science and education.
The Political Garbage Chute

Ted Cruz To Propose Changing The Spelling of ‘Science’ to ‘J-E-S-U-S’

James Schlarmann -
Ted Cruz is the new chair of the Senate committee that handles science and space research, policy and budgeting, and his proposed law will make quite the splash.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Says He Was Depressed Not Being The One Blocking All The Light During Eclipse

James Schlarmann -
President Donald J. Trump admitted to aides this morning that he took his eclipse viewer glasses off because he was distracted by his depression.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Supporter Blind After Ignoring ‘Liberal Conspiracy’ of Science and Staring Directly at Eclipse

James Schlarmann -
A right-wing conservative podcaster and YouTuber is now blind after ignoring warnings and staring directly at today's solar eclipse.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Says U.S. Didn’t Need Paris Accords Because NASA Found Planet Covfefe & We’ll Live There

James Schlarmann -
Who needs Earth when you can trade it up for a newer, hotter planet? That's Trump's philosophy and why he ditched the Paris Accords.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Announces Next Year U.S. Will Celebrate Flat Earth Day Instead

James Schlarmann -
President Donald Trump indicated that the United States will be celebrating an alternative version of Earth Day next year.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Appoints David “Avocado” Wolfe FDA High Wizard Chieftain of Raw Foods and Woo

James Schlarmann -
President Donald Trump has tapped nutritionist David Avocado Wolfe for a new and important role at the Food and Drug Administration.
The Political Garbage Chute

Scientists Discover Space Time Continuum Runs In Dog Years Since Trump’s Inauguration

James Schlarmann -
A new study released this week shows preliminary results that may indicate Co-President Trump is having a profound effect on space and time.
The Political Garbage Chute

President Trump Designates Trappist-1 Solar System As Construction Site For Death Star

James Schlarmann -
The newly discovered exoplanets in the TRAPPIST-1 solar system will be the construction site for a new American battle station.
The Political Garbage Chute

Trump Asks NASA To Verify Newly Discovered Planets Also Revolve Around Him

James Schlarmann -
Co-President Donald Trump reached out to the "space nerds" at NASA to help him glean just how much he should care about the new planets.
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The Political Garbage ChuteJames Schlarmann -

Sinema Congratulates Fellow Dems on Senate Majority She Will Work with GOP to Thwart

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Perhaps nobody is as excited that her fellow Democrats will hold the Senate majority for the...
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(All Content is Satirical)