schools

DeSantis: “I’ll Worry About Kids Getting COVID When They’re Old Enough to Vote”

TALLAHASSEE, FLORIDUH -- This morning, Gov. Ron DeSantis (Q-FL) continued his public feud with schools and districts in his state who are resisting his order banning mask mandates. The COVID-19 delta variant is raging in several hot spots throughout...

Texas Governor Sues School District for Using Crossing Guards

AUSTIN, TEX-ASS -- Governor Greg Abbott of Texas filed a pair of lawsuits today, aimed at punishing school districts who, according to the court documents, "get all socialist commie Democrat about protecting kids." Abbott filed a legal challenge to...

CDC: Maybe Your Ten Year Old Needs to Get COVID and Stop Being a Pussy

When and how to safely re-open schools that have been closed or had their student populations greatly reduced during the COVID-19 pandemic has always been a hotly debated topic. Throughout the past year and a half, millions of Americans...

House Republicans Urging States to Rush Kids Back Into Potential School Shootings

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The country cannot afford to keep kids out of potential school shooting situations any longer, according to a growing chorus of Republicans in the House of Representatives. During their weekly press briefing, the House GOP announced that...

Vaccinated Bureaucrat Making Six Figure Income Has Thoughts on Your Kids Rushing Back to School

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R-MT) is "sick and tired" of America's schools largely being closed to in-person learning. During a press conference today, Rep. Thompaulsen, who received both doses of the covid-19 vaccine as soon as it...

Betsy DeVos Wants Sixth Grade Science Textbooks Replaced With The New Testament

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Department of Education, under direction from Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, will be rolling out several key changes to America's school curriculum next school year. Current school guidelines, lesson plans, and materials will remain unchanged through the...

Betsy DeVos Is Pretty Sure She’s Heard Of This School Thing You Keep Talking About

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, 60 Minutes aired an interview that Leslie Stahl conducted with Donald Trump's Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos. It probably didn't go the way Trump or DeVos would have wanted it to. Throughout the interview, Ms. DeVos...

Texas High School Suspends 14-Year Old Student Because All the Adults Were ‘F***ing Idiots’

When young Ahmed Mohamed brought his homemade clock to school, he might have forgotten what state he lives in.

5 Things You’ll Find in the American Hogwarts

Author J.K. Rowling made headlines recently by confirming that in her mind, there is most definitely an American version of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the fictional school at the center of the "Harry Potter" novels she...
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Jesus Really Loved Sam Smith’s and Kim Petras’ Grammy Performance

Many conservative commentators have been apoplectic about singers Sam Smith and Kim Petras appearance at this past weekend's Grammy...
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