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Televangelist Publishes “MAGA-Friendly” Bible Just Three Pages Long

HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Bill Millen, a self-described "televangelist for Trump," told his flock today that he has released a new, "MAGA-friendly" edition of the Holy Bible, and it's for sale on his church's website. A portion of the...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language, is an artform and communication tool constantly in a state of evolution. Slang becomes accepted, common vernacular every year. Dictionaries are constantly being updated to ensure that words...

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to the situation this afternoon, very confused. Word had just gotten to Ivanka Trump that her father had decided to not participate in the next scheduled...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential debate of the 2020 election season between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will commence. Both men have reportedly been doing some form of debate...

Trump Appoints Himself CEO of TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret on the Hill that President Donald Trump is not a fan of TikTok. In fact, that could be quite the understatement, given that Trump has ordered that the video sharing social media...

Trump Suggests Adult Film Industry Rename ATMs to “Doing a McEnany”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At the time of publication, it's still not quite clear how or why the subject came to the attention of the President of the United States, but regardless he's made his opinion on the issue quite...

Fauci Pronounces Trump ‘Dead From the Neck-Up’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- At a press conference this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci pronounced the President of the United States of America "dead from the neck-up." MORE: Barr Says Presidents Can Ignore Election Results They Don’t Agree With Fauci's pronouncement marks a...

ISIS Trying to Recruit “Top American Killer” President Donald Trump

When America was attacked on September 11th, 2001, planes were hijacked and flown into the World Trade Center in New York, as well as into the Pentagon. The Al Qaeda linked hijackers also took over a plane that was...

Biden Offers to Let Obama Have First SCOTUS Pick as a “McConnell Mulligan”

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee and former Vice President Joe Biden has, by all accounts, quite a strong relationship with his former boss. The bond between biden and former President Barack Obama is undeniable, and comes across as a natural...

Tucker Carlson Adds Two Ks to First Name

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is no stranger to controversy, to put it lightly. His show isn't even new to advertiser boycotts. However, in the wake of the frozen food heir's recent commentary on...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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