satirist

Disappointed Stephen Miller Finds Out the Klan Doesn’t Offer Healthcare or 401kkk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen Miller received some personally difficult news. Not only will be Mr. Miller soon be looking for a place to inspire and incite an American race...

Trump Says a Vote for a Democrat Should Only Count as Three-Fifths of a Republican Vote

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Americans are voting today for who they think should be the President of the United States beginning next January. However, we already know that millions and millions of ballots have already been cast via mail. In...

Televangelist Publishes “MAGA-Friendly” Bible Just Three Pages Long

HOLY OAK, VIRGINIA -- Bill Millen, a self-described "televangelist for Trump," told his flock today that he has released a new, "MAGA-friendly" edition of the Holy Bible, and it's for sale on his church's website. A portion of the...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language, is an artform and communication tool constantly in a state of evolution. Slang becomes accepted, common vernacular every year. Dictionaries are constantly being updated to ensure that words...

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to the situation this afternoon, very confused. Word had just gotten to Ivanka Trump that her father had decided to not participate in the next scheduled...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential debate of the 2020 election season between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will commence. Both men have reportedly been doing some form of debate...

Mike Pence Explains How Ripping Wombs Out of Immigrant Women is Pro-Life and Not Permanent Abortion

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning Vice President High Priest Michael Pence was asked to address shocking allegations that doctors in Georgia performed unrequested hysterectomies on untold numbers of women who were under ICE custody. MORE: Barr Suggests Charging People Who...

Tom Cotton Can’t Wait to Be All Up Inside Your Pussies, America

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Maybe it won't happen. In order for it to happen, not only does President Donald Trump need to win re-election, he would need to select Senator Tom Cotton over every other name on the president's shortlist...

Trump Appoints Himself CEO of TikTok

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret on the Hill that President Donald Trump is not a fan of TikTok. In fact, that could be quite the understatement, given that Trump has ordered that the video sharing social media...

TikTok Changes Name to COVID-19 So Trump Will Leave Them Alone

CULVER CITY, CALIFORNIA -- In an effort to fend off a regulatory slap and being banned in the United States by President Donald Trump, TikTok has officially changed its name to "COVID-19." MORE: ISIS Offers NRA’s Wayne LaPierre Interim Position "He...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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