Satire

Data Indicates Brandon Gets Shit Done and Trump Didn’t Do Shit

Newly released data from the National Institute of Looking Into This Sorta Thing doesn't have much good news for a certain twice-forever impeached president who never won the popular vote and only got one term. According to a report published...

Judge Says Bannon May Have Conjugal Visits With Both MTG and Dan Bongino

WASHINGTON, D.C -- A federal judge has granted permission to indicted former White House senior policy adviser Stephen Bannon to have conjugal visits while he awaits trial. Mr. Bannon appeared in court to surrender himself, after being indicted by...

Trump Announces Next MAGA Rally Will Be Held in Rittenhouse Courtroom

FARTS-A-LAGO, FLORIDA -- Former, one term, twice-forever-impeached President Donald Trump announced plans to hold another MAGA rally, and the venue might not be all that surprising to anyone. "I hereby decree as your once King and Ruler, that I shall...

McEnany: She’ll Put Jan 6 Subpoena on the Mantle Next to Her Autographed Pic of Trump’s Dong

The subpoena she receives from the January 6th select congressional committee will be given a place of "distinction and honor," according to former White House Press Secretary and vapid blonde fuckmuppet Kayleigh McEnany. On Fox News this morning, McEnany acknowledged...

Starbucks Rolls Out Hanukkah, Kwanza, Church of Satan Holiday Cups

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON -- Coffee purveyor Starbucks announced three new holiday cups will start making their way to stores this week. During the presser, Starbucks acknowledged the outrage among some evangelical Christians display on an annual basis, each time Starbucks' holiday...

Greene Accuses Biden of ‘Using Critical Race Theory’ to Remove “White” from “White Christmas”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Freshman Congressmare Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) appeared on Steve Bannon's podcast today and floated a fresh conspiracy theory -- Joe Biden wants to "radically alter" a classic holiday song. "Steve, I was talking to my buddy who...

Manchin: “If Rubbing Coal on My Balls Isn’t Doing Enough for Climate Change, That’s On You”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After a defeat for his party in Virginia, and with another potential loss still in the offing over in New Jersey, alleged Democratic Sen. Joe Manchin is still not committed to passing more of President Joe...

Man Apologizes for Losing Track of His Dick Long Enough for It to Become Fox News Host

BALLCRUST VALLEY, CALIFORNIA -- It's a time in his life Jack Strohkinoff will never forget. "Up to that point, I was known as the guy who never lost a damn thing. Not my keys. Not the TV remote. Nothing," Strohkinoff...

No Matter What, I Back the Blue. Until I Beat Them With a Flagpole During an Insurrection.

The following editorial was submitted by State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen (R). Because of our long-standing commitment to bringing you, the reader, all sides of any issue, we have agreed to reprint Rep. Thompaulsen's commentary in its entirety. The views...
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Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of...
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