Sarah Palin

Palin Says It’s Time for Boebert and Greene to Return the Brain Cell She Let Them Borrow

"I guess I just forgot how much rock-ribbed, dyed-in-the-wool, true blue patriotic conservative thought can be done with a single brain cell."

Now That’s She’s Been Struck By a Car, Sarah Palin Supports Crosswalks

Former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin OAN this morning that she "just takes a little longer than normal people" to process and understand basic concepts. During her interview, Palin not only addressed her recent COVID-19 diagnosis and message to...

Palin Donates Half Her Brain to Boebert and Doubles Her Cognitive Capacity

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a stunning and unforeseen development, former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin has donated half her brain to freshman Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (R-MAGAstan), in an "effort to double Rep. Boebert's current cognitive capacity." Reportedly, the surgery was...

Trump Offers to Make Palin Secretary of ‘Educationizing’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump announced today that he was creating a brand new cabinet position, on his own authority, and that former Vice-Presidential candidate and winner of the 2006 "Be The Alaskan Mayor For A Few Weeks"...

Trump Considering Sarah Palin as National Insecurity Adviser

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Citing what he called "extremely fart-tudinous circumstantials," President Donald Trump told the media today he was strongly considering former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin for an important position within his administration. This week, National Security Adviser John...

President Invites Sarah Palin to Become His Third First Lady

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Within a matter of minutes after finding out that former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin and her husband Todd were getting a divorce after 31 years of marriage, the most powerful man in the world had...

Sarah Palin Pretty Sure She’s President Now

FLATULENT FALLS, ALASKA -- Former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is said to be boarding a jet headed for the nation's capital at the time of publication, convinced she is now rightfully the President of the United States. "John died....

Frustrated Sarah Palin Says White House Ignored Offer To Drive Released Prisoners Home From North Korea

TWUNTBERG, ALASKA -- In the very early hours of the morning, President Donald Trump arrived at Andrews Air Force Base to welcome home three Americans who had been held by the North Korean government in labor camps for crimes...

Trump Blames Russia’s Election Interference On Sarah Palin ‘Abandoning Her Backyard Post’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump went farther than he ever has in admitting that Russia attacked the 2016 presidential election that he won, though he stopped short of placing any blame on the Kremlin, or Russian...

After Tax Vote Announcement, John McCain’s Tumor Considers Joining The Resistance

"I really thought he was a maverick, but it turns out he's just a shill."
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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