Red States

Jesus Warns His Trans Little Children to ‘Stay the Fuck Away’ From the Bible Belt

https://youtu.be/MpaK48NMrTU KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- Jesus Hubert Christ, son of Larry "God" Schumway, and Vice President of Holy Trinity, Inc., held an urgent press conference this morning. Christ urged any and all parents of transgender children living in the...

Pregnant Texas Woman Sues Ex-Boyfriend for Child Support

GILEAD, TEXAS -- In a case that might send reverberations throughout the Lone Star State and other red states that have passed similarly restrictive abortion bans in their state, a pregnant woman living in Texas has sued her ex-boyfriend....

President Biden Apologizes to Neanderthal Americans

"I didn't see a single Neanderthal at the January 6th insurrection."

Trump: “If You Only Count the Votes from Red States, I Won Easily”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It appears that President Donald Trump is still not quite ready to accept the reality that he will be a one-term president, and it's unclear at this time when he will do so. Despite filing several...

Trump Tries to Kick WA, OR, CA, NV, AZ, CO, NM, GA, VA, PA, MN, WI, IL, MI, ME, VT, NH, NY, MA, CT,...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has issued an emergency McProclamation from the Oval office this morning, demanding that twenty-four states and the District of Columbia be "immediately and permanently ejected from the United States of America." As the vote...

Trump: “All Lives Matter Except in Blue States”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's no big secret that President Donald Trump has spent a lot of time trying to frame his administration's response to the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak in a positive light. Trump has attempted to get the nation...

Man Would Rather be Homeless in California Than Live in Alabama

LOS CONSERVATIVOS CHINGANDOS, CALIFORNIA -- This morning, a day after Christmas, impeached President Donald J. Trump lashed out at Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the State of California, and its governor Gavin Newsom. Trump is understandably in a...

Porn Site Reveals “Daddy/Daughter” As Most Searched Term In Trump States

If you're a Trump supporter, chances are you like a familiar brand of porn...literally.

Texas Democrat Pushes Bill That Would Sentence Masturbating Men to Death

AUSTIN, TEXAS -- Republican lawmakers in the State of Texas are trying to get a bill passed and onto the governor's desk that would criminalize all abortion procedures without any exceptions. Because capital punishment is legal in Texas, it...

Analysis: 17 Red States Give Trump, Fucking Cousins At Gun Shows, Better Than 50% Approval Rating

New polling data, when analyzed, shows that 17 states give both President Trump and doing it with your cousin at a gun show the same approval rating.
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Latest News

George Santos Announces Kitara Ravache Will Handle His Committee Assignments

Congressman George Santos (Q-NY) has had a pretty rough start to his freshman year in the House of Representatives. Before...
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