Rand Paul

Fauci to Paul: “In My Non Self-Certified Medical Opinion, You’re a Bitch-Ass Lying Traitor”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- After two years of the global COVID-19 pandemic and the federal government's response to it, one thing is certain -- there is absolutely no love lost between Dr. Anthony Fauci, a real medical doctor, and Sen....

White House Tells Paul They’ll Send KY the Bootstraps He Wanted to Send After Hurricane Maria

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Soon, thousands of bootstraps will be delivered to local emergency response teams in Kentucky. According to White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, President Joe Biden met this morning with Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY), who represents the Coal...

Fauci Suggests ‘Some Senators’ Wear a Mask to Hide from Punchy Neighbors

Giving an interview on CNN, Dr. Anthony Fauci suggested that even though the CDC has just issued new guidelines for vaccinated people regarding indoor masking, there are some Americans who may want to keep wearing a mask indefinitely. "If I...

Rand Paul Wonders If Black Lives Really Matter

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There is only one, single member of the Senate Republican caucus that is standing in the way of the federal government finally passing anti-lynching legislation. That man, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, has tried to explain...

Fauci Confirms Rand Paul is a ‘Flaming Douchebag With Absolutely Shitty Hair,’ Medically Speaking

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Medically speaking, Senator Rand Paul (R-Ayn Rand's Overrated, Overwrought Bootyhole) is a "flaming douchebag with absolutely shitty hair." At least that's true according to one of America's leading and most influential medical experts, Dr. Anthony Fauci. MORE:...

Doctors Treating Rand Paul’s Coronavirus With Bootstraps, Thoughts, and Prayers

BOWLING GREEN, CUNTUCKY -- This weekend, Senator Rand Paul (R-Kremlin) became the first sitting U.S. Senator to have a confirmed coronavirus infection. Senator Paul's office announced via Twitter that he had tested positive and was undergoing a self-quarantine process...

Susan Rice Stops Robbery, Republicans Worried She Violated Thief’s Right to Privacy

When she accidentally stopped a robbery, did Susan Rice also violate an alleged robber's right to privacy when she gave cops his ID?

Rand Paul: Trump Getting Putin’s Permission for Syrian Airstrike ‘Close Enough’ For Him

Many Senate Republicans suddenly find themselves okay with Trump warning Vladimir Putin before asking them for permission to bomb Syria.

Sad Libertarian to Investigate Why Candidate No One Voted For is Dropping Out of Race

Rand Paul is quitting and that has this libertarian very upset, and believing in a conspiracy against him.

Rand Paul in Iowa, Desperately Flailing Arms at Cameras Covering Donald Trump

Rand Paul is getting desperate; very desperate actually.
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Gaetz’ Girlfriend Skipped Driver’s Ed Class to Testify Before Grand Jury

This week, a former girlfriend of Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) testified before a grand jury. Several legal experts have...
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