President Trump

Stephen Miller Disappointed to Find Out His New Employer Doesn’t Offer Healthcare or 401kkk

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, soon to be former White House senior adviser Stephen Miller received some personally difficult news. Not only will be Mr. Miller soon be looking for a place to inspire and incite an American race...

Barrett Promises to Leave Her Religion Out of Legal Opinions as Long as God and Her Husband Say She Can

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's capital is dug in for one hell of a fight. There seems to be very little doubt that Senate Republicans will do everything in their power -- and perhaps some things technically not in...

55,000 Dead Americans Agree: It’s Important to Recognize How Mean The Press Is To Trump

As of the time of publication, the United States of America has officially reported 55,564 deaths from the pandemic outbreak of COVID-19, or the novel coronavirus. According to the national archives, the coronavirus death toll now exceeds that of...

Devin Nunes: ‘Only 10,000 Benghazis’ Not Worth Shutting Down Economy Over COVID-19

DIPSHIT, CALIFORNIA -- On September 11th, 2012, a terrorist attack was carried out on a U.S. consular building in Benghazi, Libya. During the attack, four Americans lost their lives, and the attack has become a major talking point and...

President Assures Public Fighting Coronavirus Won’t Keep Him From Trying to Suck His Own Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- When President Donald Trump took to the podium in the White House briefing room for an event that has become a regular occurrence during the pandemic outbreak of the novel coronavirus, sources say he had calming...

Trump Offers to Run the Real Taj Mahal Into Bankruptcy

INDIA -- President Donald Trump is in India for a couple of days this week. Today, he gave a speech to a throng of Indian citizens at a stadium where professional cricket matches are held. However, before he gave...

President Trump Asks All Intelligence Briefings Include Small Words And Big Pictures

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Trump administration has submitted an official request to Congress, asking that that the president have his daily intelligence briefings modified. According to the request, filed by Trump's Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, Trump requires his...

Sarah Huckabee: “It Was Stupid of The Constitution to Not Give Presidents Unlimited Powers”

SLOP TROUGH, ARKANSAS -- Former Chief White House Propaganda Minister Sarah Huckabee Sanders appeared on Fox News today and blasted Congressional representatives from either political party who were calling for a legislative effort to rein in President Trump's ability...

Adderall Sponsoring Trump’s Next State of the Union Address

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Donald Trump has reportedly inked a deal with Shire US, Inc, who manufactures the drug Adderall. The terms of the deal have not been fully disclosed, however in exchange for an unspecified investment in the...

Report: Yovanovich’s Are Way Bigger Than Trump’s

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The National Institute For Reporting Stuff and Things has issued a new report that estimates Ambassador Marie Yovanovich has "way, way, way, way bigger ones" than President Donald Trump. "Given that Ambassador Yovanovich has literally dodged bullets...
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Latest News

Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How didĀ thisĀ end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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