Politics

Biden Legally Changes Middle Name to “Fuck Trump”

HAWKEYE, DELAWARE -- Today, President-elect Joe Biden did what his transition team is calling "some light housekeeping paperwork" ahead of his inauguration on January 21st, 2021. The legal paperwork necessary to file in order to change one's name has been...

UPDATE: Mitch McConnell Still a Certifiably Racist, Wet-Eyed, Wattle-Necked Cuntsicle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In our continuing endeavor to provide our readers with the most current, up to date news and events worthy of their attention, The Political Garbage Chute can confirm at this hour that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow)...

Doctors Unsure Obama’s Foot Can Ever Be Removed From Trump’s Asshole

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Ever since former President Barack Obama spoke last night during the 2020 Democratic National Convention, the man who succeeded him has been tweeting at a quickened pace, and angry tone. This morning, D.C. doctors confirmed that...

ISIS Trying to Recruit “Top American Killer” President Donald Trump

When America was attacked on September 11th, 2001, planes were hijacked and flown into the World Trade Center in New York, as well as into the Pentagon. The Al Qaeda linked hijackers also took over a plane that was...

Satirist Beginning to Suspect He May Secretly Be a Prophet

Aspiring satirist Johnathon Flake expressed a growing conviction to friends and colleagues today that what he once mistook for a cynical and inappropriate sense of humor may have actually been the ability to look beyond the veil and into...

Trump Declares Houses That Worship Him “Essential”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, the President of the United States of America declared the 10th Amendment "total and complete bullshit written by likely Never-Trumpers" on a podcast hosted by right-wing conspiracy theorist and world record holder for largest, emptiest...

Groundbreaking Scientific Study Could Mean Donald Trump Jr Bigger Piece of Shit Than His Father

BOCA DE MIERDA, FLORIDA -- Last week, the National Council for Researching and Looking Into Stuff released the findings from a new report that threatens to shake the country up, and perhaps could have political implications. Dr. Benson Hornaydieux,...

DNC: “We’re Not Taking Any Sides Except Against Candidates We Don’t Want You to Want”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Democratic National Committee released a statement today, perhaps in an attempt to head off criticism that it's working to give former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg (D-Cash) any advantage it can. It was announced...

Eric Trump Says It’s ‘Shameful’ That Joe Biden Got His Son Barista Job at Ukrainian Starbucks

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- The president's smartest son with the name "Eric" appeared on Fox News last night and proceeded to trash former Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter. His father's impeachment trial has hit the...

Woman Unpopular Enough to Lose Winnable Election to Literal Garbage Says Sanders is Unpopular

SELF-UNAWARE FOREST, NEW YORK -- Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton won the 2016 national popular vote by over 3 million. However, in three key states she lost it, and because American presidential elections utilize the Electoral College to...
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Latest News

Conservative Economist Predicts Inflation Will Fall 200% If Everyone Sees Hunter Biden’s Dick

When the Republican Party secured control of the House of Representatives in last year's midterm election, they promised the...
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