political satire

Meadows Said National Guard Would ‘Protect Pro-Toothless Incestuous Racism People’ on Jan. 6

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Texts and emails turned over to the January 6th Congressional Committee by former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows indicate that he made certain assurances to people within his former boss's administration before an attempted...

White House Tells Paul They’ll Send KY the Bootstraps He Wanted to Send After Hurricane Maria

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Soon, thousands of bootstraps will be delivered to local emergency response teams in Kentucky. According to White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki, President Joe Biden met this morning with Sen. Rand Paul (Q-KY), who represents the Coal...

Man Can’t Find Clitoris or Woman to Debate Gender Wage Gap With Him

CELIBATE HILLS, NEW JERSEY -- 28 year old Matthew J. Palumbo is what many people in his hometown describe as a "loser," a "conspiracy theory peddling fascist," a "white nationalist douchebag," and an "incel." Mr. Palumbo told us in...

Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the events of January 6th, 2021 aware that he will no longer be cooperating with them. Instead, Meadows' attorney told reporters, he...

Devin Nunes Retiring from Congress to Spend More Time With Trump’s Balls

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congressfuck Devin Nunes announced yesterday that he will not seek re-election next year. Many speculated that Nunes was motivated by California's independent congressional redistricting commission's new map that should make his own district lean Democratic. However, this...

Fauci Warns MAGAs: You Can Get Omicron from Cousin Despite Taking Ivermectin or Wearing Condom

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Appearing before the Senate Oversight and Pumpkin Pie Recipe Committee this morning, Dr. Anthony Fauci warned Americans to "take caution" in preparing for their holiday gatherings and reunions. Fauci had ominous words for those living in...

Justice Barrett Will Let Her Husband Decide Her Vote on Mississippi Abortion Law

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It's unclear whether it was her intention to do so, but Supreme Court Justice Amy Covid Barrett just gave the American public an unprecedented preview of how she intends to decide the case of Mississippi's abortion...

House Janitorial Staff Still Cleaning Up Verbal Diarrhea From Boebert’s Defense of Gosar

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a free society, one that values and encourages freedom of speech, there can be unintended consequences. This morning janitorial crews working for the House of Representatives are learning that lesson, and dealing with unintended consequences...

Data Indicates Brandon Gets Shit Done and Trump Didn’t Do Shit

Newly released data from the National Institute of Looking Into This Sorta Thing doesn't have much good news for a certain twice-forever impeached president who never won the popular vote and only got one term. According to a report published...
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Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of...
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