political comedy

Cruz Reminds Constituents That The ‘Back Door Means No Babies and No Abortions’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The American right-wing, particularly those in Evangelical circles, have been pushing make abortion illegal for decades. Ever since the Supreme Court ruled in the early 1970's that before a fetus' medical viability a woman had a...

Autopsy Shows Babbitt Died of Fuckedaroundandfoundoutitis

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, the coroner in charge of overseeing hopeful domestic terrorist Ashli Babbitt's autopsy revealed new information and reported a new, updated cause of death. "After carefully looking back over the previous examinations, and conducting one more...

75 Million Americans Wipe and Flush

It took a few days. It took counting millions of mail-in ballots under the pressure of a sea of angry, ignorant masses demanding they stop doing their civic duty. But in the end, it appears as the states of...

74 Year Old Toddler Claims Victory Without Actually Winning

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, before the entire nation, a 74 year old toddler claimed victory. However, as facts bear out, he didn't actually win. "If you count the legal votes, I win," the elderly man-baby howled from the White...

Win or Lose, Trump is Entitled to Secret Service Protection and Lindsey Graham BJs For Life

The truth is, despite the punditry class and America's elected officials' high-volume assertions, nobody really knows what the outcome of the 2020 presidential election will be. In less than twenty-four hours, the sun will rise on the day that...

Pence Just Realized Sucking Trump Off So Much Cost Him Valuable Talking Time During Debate

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A pink-eyed, exasperated Vice President High Priest Mike Pence was so upset by what he just figured out that he cried out in anguish, and could be heard from outside his office door. MORE: Op-Ed: We Need...

Did an Antifa Agent Cough on Trump’s Debate Microphone?

How did President Donald Trump contract COVID-19? Will the world ever know? Clearly, the president is the victim of some kind of nefarious plot, because otherwise how is it remotely possible that a 74-year-old obese man who mocked the...

Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- "Daddy! Daddy! Come quick! I just found a butt load of money, and we can keep it all, Daddy!" ALSO: Trump Thought IRS Stood For “I Repulsed Stormy” The shouts were heard last night, coming from the presidential...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential debate of the 2020 election season between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will commence. Both men have reportedly been doing some form of debate...

Barrett Promises to Leave Her Religion Out of Legal Opinions as Long as God and Her Husband Say She Can

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The nation's capital is dug in for one hell of a fight. There seems to be very little doubt that Senate Republicans will do everything in their power -- and perhaps some things technically not in...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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