Palpatine

Palpatine Demands Death Star Recount, Claims Empire Won the Battle of Yavin

CORUSCANT -- Emperor Palpatine refuses to concede the Battle of Yavin the Rebel Alliance. Despite visual evidence that his highly-touted Death Star was blown to smithereens by a ragtag bunch of bush pilots exploiting a design flaw in the...

Palpatine Defends Dismantling Republic Postal Service Less Than Three Months Before Galactic Election

CORUSCANT -- Supreme Chancellor Palpatine is defending this decision to largely dismantle the Republic Postal Service, just months away from what many consider to be the most important galactic election in more than a generation. Trump: “Harris and Biden Are...

Trump Boasts He Was The Inspiration for the ‘Best’ Star Wars Character

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, throughout the country, fans are celebrating an unofficial "Star Wars Day." More than 40 years ago, George Lucas' seminal film, Star Wars: A New Hope, debuted and right from the start, it became a cultural phenomenon. It was...

Emperor Palpatine Tells Vader He Doesn’t Want Any Shithole Planets Joining The Empire

CORUSCANT, INNER CORE -- Sources close to the High Galactic Emperor Sheev Palpatine are reporting at the time of publication that he has directed his right-hand, Lord Darth Vader, to not allow any "shithole planets" into the Empire. "I have...
- Advertisement -spot_img

Latest News

Jim Jordan Promises House Investigation to Find Wife’s Clit

Rep. Jim Jordan (Q-OH) already has a healthy spate of investigations he's planning to conduct as chairman of the...
- Advertisement -spot_img