Rich Cultist Smacks Rich Comedian Who Made Joke at the Expense of Rich Cultist Wife

HOLLYWOOB, CALIFORNIA -- Last night, the 94th Annual Academy Awards and Showbiz Self-Fellatio Mass Marketing Gala took place, and as was to be expected, it was a night of memorable moments, self-aggrandizing speeches full of fake humility, and stunning...

Coronavirus Nominated for Best Virus In a Best Actor in a Lead Role

HOLLYWOO, CALIFORNIA -- The novel coronavirus woke up to perhaps the best news in its career as an infectious disease: it had been nominated for a major award. "Good morning! We're here to announce the nominees for the 69th Annual...

Jeff Sessions Says Spike Lee Should Be Arrested for Making Joints, Not Given Awards

WHITE HOOD, ALABAMA -- Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was stopped outside his favorite quick service seafood restaurant this afternoon and asked about Spike Lee's acceptance speech at this year's Oscars. Winning the first Academy Award of his long and...

A Scientific Breakdown of All the Racism in Spike Lee’s Oscar Acceptance Speech

Last night, iconic film director Spike Lee made personal history when he was finally awarded an Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay. Lee won for his work adapting "Black KKKlansman" for the silver screen. Lee made headlines not just for...

Timmy Lahren Watched Trump’s Access Hollywood Tape Instead Of The ‘Godless Sexual Deviants’ On The Oscars

VAPID TWUNT, TEXAS -- This morning, right-wing firebrand commentator and Fox News contributor Tabasco Lahren told Fox & Friends that she didn't watch the Oscars, hosted by Jimmy Kimmel on ABC last night. Kimmel's monologue included comedic jabs at President...

Mahershala Ali Briefly Detained By ICE Outside Vanity Fair Academy Awards Party, His Oscar Was Free To Go

Best Supporting Actor winner Mahershala Ali was briefly detained outside a post-Oscars party while his award with a white-sounding name was let in.

Clint Eastwood, “It’s just an honor do my part to help young boys and girls die needlessly!”

Clint Eastwood shares some thoughts on his war propaganda -- er we mean highly informative and truth-based movie that in no way paints the Iraq War as just.
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Biden Tells MTG He’ll Shoot Down Chinese Balloon When She Finds China or Montana on a Map

President Joe Biden was asked today about whether or not he's heard the calls from House Republicans to direct...
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