Trump: Bengals Lost a ‘Rigged’ Super Bowl When Officials Kept Counting the Rams’ Points FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In his mind, the Cincinnati Bengals won the Super Bowl last night, and former President Donald Trump is lashing out against the NFL for letting the Los Angeles Rams "win a sham and rigged contest" instead....

Trump Supporter: America is Terrible and Kaepernick Should Honor America Because It’s Perfect

One conservative man's outrage over Colin Kaepernick not standing for the National Anthem.

Leading Graduating Kindergartners, Trump Briefly Forgets Words to Pledge of Allegiance

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump experienced a brief moment of confusion when leading a local graduating kindergarten class in the Pledge of Allegiance. In a harrowing 95 minute ordeal, Mr. Trump stumbled on the phrase "indivisible, with...

Eagles Will Join Obama For Backyard BBQ

PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA -- President Donald Trump has officially disinvited the Philadelphia Eagles football team from a visit to the White House, and the team has accepted an offer to be hosted by a different, more popular president, instead. It has...

Totally Not Racist President Really Glad NFL Anthem Policy Will Hold Black People To Completely Different Standard

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump told reporters from various right-wing news outlets today that he was "bigly pleased" to see the new pregame national anthem policy instituted by the NFL yesterday, just minutes after implying players who kneel during...

Papa John’s Promises Ousting John Schnatter As CEO Will Not Make Pizzas “Any Less Shit-Tastic Or Cardboardrific”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- The man who is the "Papa" of Papa John's pizza will no longer be the CEO of the company he started back in the 1980's, according to the pizza chain's executive board. Though John Schnatter will...

President Trump Wants Congress to Strip NFL and Its Players of First Amendment Rights

"That arcane constitution really should be reviewed."

Trump Suggests Black Athletes’ Constitutional Rights Be Reduced By 2/5

"I'm not saying all urbans. I'm saying SOME urbans."
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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