M&M's

Tucker Carlson Vows He’ll Never Stop Sexually Fantasizing About Cartoon M&M’s

An angrily tearful Tucker Carlson told his Fox News audience today that he is "fully, full-on committed" to finding cartoon candy mascots attractive, and sharing his frequent sexual fantasies about them, with his audience. "I don't care that Maya Rudolph...

Responding to Backlash, There Will Soon Be an Inbred, Anti-Vaxxer White M&M

McLEAN, VIRGINIA -- When executives at Mars, Incorporated approved updates to anthropomorphized human M&M mascots, they likely could not have predicted the amount of angry backlash among certain segments of the American population. Just hours after news broke about the...

Tucker Carlson Will Rub Reese’s Pieces on His Ken Doll Patch Instead

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- Fox News host Tucker Carlson is breaking off what he called a "decades-long romantic relationship," and announced over the weekend that he was embarking on a new love affair. "As of this morning, I'm done...

M&M’s Banned from White House Kitchens and Candy Dishes

"Their thin candy shells will be no match for our nook-you-ler missiles."

M&M’s Banned from White House Kitchens and Candy Dishes

"Their thin candy shells will be no match for our nook-you-ler missiles."
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Trump Pleaded the Fifth When Asked By NY AG If He Was Ivanka’s Lover, Father, or Employer

Recently, it was revealed that when he was deposed by the New York Attorney General in a case involving...
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