Mitt Romney

Romney Had Spine Removed So He Could Suck Trump’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shocking absolutely, positively nobody, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) announced today that he would support his party's push to ram a replacement for the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg onto the Supreme Court bench before the election....

Romney’s Got Binders Full of Excuses for Being a Partisan Cocksock

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This morning, President Donald Trump appeared to get his wish -- he has the votes in the Senate to ram his Supreme Court nominee through, no matter who it is. By the time the election takes...

Trump Demands President of Utah Investigate Mitt Romney

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- To say that Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) surprised the White House when he announced that he would vote to convict President Donald John Trump on the article of impeachment that charges him with abuse of power...

President David Dennison Mocks Mitt Romney for Having a Secret “Pierre Delecto” Twitter Account

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President David Dennison, relaxing in the Oval Office with a Diet Coke and a bucket of KFC, mocked Senator Mitt Romney (R-Mormonistan) for his secondary, secret Twitter account. This morning, "Pierre Delecto" was a trending Twitter topic....

Doctors Marvel at Discovery of Vertebrate Republican

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Over the weekend, scientists and medical professionals were stunned, shocked, but ultimately quite excited about the re-discovery of a species of Republican -- one that is a vertebrate. "When Republicans were first discovered back in the middle...

Mitt Romneytron First Android to Endorse Howard Shultzbot’s Campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Sen. Mitt Romneytron (R-UT) shocked the world today when he announced that he would endorse someone in next year's presidential election from outside his own Republican Party. "I. Am. Pleased. To. Announce," Romneytron announced in his usual...

Trump Offers To Grab Mitt Romney’s Binders By The Pussy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Yesterday, former Massachusetts governor, failed 2012 Republican presidential candidate, and all-around nice robot Mitt Romney announced his candidacy for outgoing Utah Senator Orin Hatch's seat. Hatch announced earlier this year he would not seek re-election, and...

Trump Announces New Reality TV Show: ‘Who Wants To Be America’s Secretary of State’

Trump wants to fill the Secretary of State position in a most unorthodox way.

Mitt Romney Says He’ll Only Have To Sell 47% Of His Soul To Work In Trump Cabinet

Mitt Romney's done the math; he can afford to lose some of his morals and principles.

You’ll NEVER Guess Who Just Endorsed Donald Trump

Donald Trump picked up another key endorsement this week.
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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