Mitch McConnell

Study of Mitch McConnell’s DNA Might Prove Existence of Racist Sperm

The National Research Labs of America published results of a new study this week that could, after peer review, disprove one of the longest held notions about the phenomenon of human racism. Dr. Benson Hornaydieux, Chief Executive Officer and...

Barrett Worries Her MAGA Hat Might Make People Think the Court Has Become Political

"It could only be this hat, and not the fact that Mitch McConnell didn't wait until Ginsburg's corpse was stiff before rushing me onto the bench, that's for sure!" - Justice Amy Covid Barrett WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Speaking to a...

Georgia Runoff Defeats Break Ancient Spell and McConnell’s Dick Turns Back Into Lump of Coal

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- It happened with a sort of "cracking" sound, witnesses say. Then, as the crack subsided, a puff of black smoke emitted from the crotch of Senator Mitch McConnell, and in the blink of an eye, his...

Merriam-Webster Redefines the Word “Cunty”

The fact of the matter is that English, like all language, is an artform and communication tool constantly in a state of evolution. Slang becomes accepted, common vernacular every year. Dictionaries are constantly being updated to ensure that words...

Romney Had Spine Removed So He Could Suck Trump’s Dick

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Shocking absolutely, positively nobody, Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) announced today that he would support his party's push to ram a replacement for the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg onto the Supreme Court bench before the election....

Taliban Endorses Judge Amy Coney Barrett for Supreme Court Justice

AFGHANISTAN -- The Taliban have issued the following statement, in their words "fully and completely endorsing fellow Religious Zealot" Judge Amy Coney Barrett to replace the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the United States Supreme Court. The Taliban statement...

UPDATE: Mitch McConnell Still a Certifiably Racist, Wet-Eyed, Wattle-Necked Cuntsicle

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In our continuing endeavor to provide our readers with the most current, up to date news and events worthy of their attention, The Political Garbage Chute can confirm at this hour that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow)...

Biden Offers to Let Obama Have First SCOTUS Pick as a “McConnell Mulligan”

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee and former Vice President Joe Biden has, by all accounts, quite a strong relationship with his former boss. The bond between biden and former President Barack Obama is undeniable, and comes across as a natural...

NY and CA Offer to Buy Kentucky So They Can Stop Bailing It Out The Rest of the Time

This week, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Moscow) seemed to put the kibosh on any more coronavirus stimulus packages. On the same day that updated unemployment figures showed more than 20 million people have lost their jobs as a...

Senate Votes to Lower the Law So It’s Just Beneath Trump

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On a narrow, nearly party line vote, the U.S. Senate voted to officially lower the law of America so that it rests just below President Donald Trump. "We're sick and tired of people in the media and...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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