Matt Gaetz

Jim Jordan Won’t Admit the Election Wasn’t Stolen or That Trump’s Balls Don’t Taste Like Candy

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- There are few in Congress more fiercely loyal to former President Don Trump than Rep. Gym Jordan (Q-OH). Jordan's devotion to Trump is so complete that even now, nine months after Joe Biden was sworn in, and...

Gaetz Volunteers to House Any Unaccompanied 17-Year-Old Girls Found at the Border

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Hailing himself as a "true American patriot and hero," Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) told reporters today that he is going to open up his home, and host any 17-year-old girls who are apprehended by border patrol...

Gaetz Turned Down for High School Softball Coaching Job

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA -- Embattled Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-Neverland Ranch) announced earlier this year that he was considering leaving Congress before his current term is up. That announcement, however, came just hours before the public found out that he...

Gaetz and Greene Form Qu Qlux Qlan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) have been holding "America First" rallies in the past couple of weeks, trying to yoke the MAGA movement and coalesce it around themselves, ahead of the...

Matt Gaetz Can’t Believe Q Didn’t Tell Him Matt Gaetz is a Sex Trafficker

WHORELAND-O, FLORIDA -- Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) may or may not have very much time left on his political career. Gaetz announced shortly before the news about being investigated by the FBI for crimes relating to paying for sex, potentially...

Gaetz: “Every Fetus Deserves a Fighting Chance to Become My Sex Object In 17 Years”

While the scandal surrounding him may not be showing any signs of subsiding just yet, Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) has shown no signs of pulling back from his very public persona. This morning, Rep. Gaetz spoke to a gathering...

Al Franken Offers to Fill-In for Gaetz While He Figures Out That Whole Sex Trafficking Thing

MINNESOTA -- Former Senator Al Franken is reportedly open to taking over embattled Florida Republican Matt Gaetz' congressional seat until his impending legal troubles subside. In a letter sent to Gaetz, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Florida's governor and state legislatures,...

Matt Gaetz Mocks Biden For Not Licking a Single Authoritarian Dictator’s Taint Yet

"I bet Sleepy Joe doesn't even KNOW where Kim Jong-Un's G-spot is!"

Matt Gaetz Tells CPAC He Won’t Let Trump ‘Pull Out Until He Finishes’

A visibly evident and olfactorily confirmed drunk Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) slurred and stammered his way through a long-winded speech today during the 2021 CPAC conference. The Conservative Political Action Conference is an annual confab of the country's loudest and...

Gaez Blames Cancel Culture for His Inability to Bring a Woman to Climax Even Once

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If there is one thing Congressman Matt Gaetz loathes, it's sobriety. Another thing he despises is "cancel culture." Though many conservatives have a hard time telling the difference between "cancel culture" and "accountability," the Florida Republican said...
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Mark Meadows Signals Intent to Plead the Filth Before January 6th Committee

Former White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, through his attorney, has made the House Select Committee investigating the...
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