Matt Gaetz is a tool

Gaetz Turned Down for High School Softball Coaching Job

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA -- Embattled Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-Neverland Ranch) announced earlier this year that he was considering leaving Congress before his current term is up. That announcement, however, came just hours before the public found out that he...

Trump Confused by Gaetz Paying Someone BEFORE They Had Sex With Him

"I usually gotta cut them a six figure check after we're done so they don't tell anyone how small it is."

Gaetz: “Every Fetus Deserves a Fighting Chance to Become My Sex Object In 17 Years”

While the scandal surrounding him may not be showing any signs of subsiding just yet, Congressman Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) has shown no signs of pulling back from his very public persona. This morning, Rep. Gaetz spoke to a gathering...

Al Franken Offers to Fill-In for Gaetz While He Figures Out That Whole Sex Trafficking Thing

MINNESOTA -- Former Senator Al Franken is reportedly open to taking over embattled Florida Republican Matt Gaetz' congressional seat until his impending legal troubles subside. In a letter sent to Gaetz, Speaker Nancy Pelosi, and Florida's governor and state legislatures,...

Hillary Clinton’s Been Circling Matt Gaetz Home and Shouting ‘Lock Him Up!’

LAKE EPSTEIN, FLORIDA -- Qongressman Matt Gaetz may be in for a rough time over the next several weeks, months, or years, and regardless of how his impending legal morass plays out, it appears that some of those who...

Gaetz Plans to Fuck a Mrs. Potato Head While Reading Racist Dr. Seuss Books to Own the Libs

He's had it up to here with cancel culture, and Matt Gaetz is going to do the only thing he knows how in order to stop it: embarrassing himself.

Jordan and Gaetz Say Trump Won Because They ‘Wouldn’t Blow Just Any Old Loser’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The results of last month's presidential haven't really been in much doubt since just a couple of days after votes started to be counted. Because some states were forbidden by laws enacted by Republican officials, mail-in votes...

Matt Gaetz Accused of Using Taxpayer Money to Build Bars in His Living Room, Dining Room, Bedroom, Bathroom, and Garage

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- This week, Congressman Matt Gaetz (R-FL) admitted that he improperly used taxpayer dollars to pay for things like a television studio in his father's home, and paying a speechwriter, which are prohibited by law. Reportedly, he's...
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I Live in Arkansas. Can My 10 Year Old Work as a Bouncer at a Drag Bar?

I moved to Arkansas before I was a father, so I can't say that I'd even be thinking about...
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