mass shootings

After Recent Mass Shootings, George Santos Apologizes for Inventing the Gun

Just this week, three separate mass shootings rocked California, a state with relatively stronger gun laws. Whether or not  more permissive laws in neighboring states like Nevada or Arizona play a role in the number of guns that can...

Ted Cruz: “We Can’t Do Something About Gun Violence Until We’re Done Doing Nothing”

Sen. Ted Cruz (Q-TX) doesn't want to do anything about gun violence until the country is done doing nothing about it first.

NRA Reminds Americans They Don’t Give a Fuck How Many of Their Friends and Family Get Shot

For most of 2020, Americans were dealing with a global covid-19 pandemic outbreak, and as such the number of mass shootings in this country plummeted. That doesn't mean people weren't shot and killed last year; just that the number of...

Pro-Gun Right-Wing Pundit: 284 Mass Shootings in 244 Days ‘Too Soon’ to Talk About Gun Control

EMPTY HOLLOW, CONNECTICUT -- This weekend, CBS News reported that by September 1st -- 244 days into 2019, there had been 284 mass shootings. This is a pace that would see well over 400 mass shootings by the end...

Jesus Christ Reminds Americans Thoughts and Prayers Aren’t Made of Kevlar

KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, ETERNITY -- This morning, the Executive Vice-President of Holy Trinity Inc. held a press conference and addressedm among other things, mass shootings in the United States. There have been more mass shootings than days thus far...

FBI Report Shows U.S. Needs Just 400 Trillion More Thoughts and Prayers to Reduce Gun Violence

"Platitudes are probably a way better idea at this point."

Local Man Loses Track Of Which Mass Shooting It’d Be Inappropriate To Talk About Gun Control After

"Was it the one yesterday, or earlier this week...last month? Shit. I can't remember."

Gamestop to Start Requiring 7-Day Waiting Periods on All Violent Video Games

GRAPEVINE, TEXAS -- Videogame retail giant Gamestop held a call with stockholders today and announced that in response to pressure from the White House, they will begin requiring a full, seven day waiting period before any violent video games...

Call of Duty Designer Apologizes for Inspiring World War II

A man who worked on the design of one of the original "Call of Duty" video game has issued a statement apologizing for his role in "inspiring" World War II. In an open letter sent to the entire world, Jose...

ISIS Asks Trump For Tips on Inspiring Young Men

SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The terrorist organization known as ISIS, or Daesh, alleges that they have reached out to President Donald Trump, and are "extending a violent, murderous olive branch" to the White House. "Let us make it abundantly clear...
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Donald Trump Finding Out

Well...shit. How did this end up happening, anyway? Doesn't everyone indicting him understand the rules have never, and never will apply...
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