Marco Rubio

Cruz, Rubio Both Claim to Have Finally ‘Out-Asshole’d Trump in Latest Debate

Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz argue over who was a bigger a-hole than Donald Trump in the last debate.

Ted Cruz Would Sign Executive Order Retroactively Deporting All Immigrant Families Ever

Ted Cruz wants every trace of immigrants wiped from the continent.

Mitt Romney: ‘I Know a Lot About Losing Elections, and Marco Rubio’s Got It!’

Marco Rubio gets a key endorsement from his party's last, most-successful loser.

Donald Trump Offers to ‘Loan Ivanka’ to Ted Cruz for His Next Campaign Video

Ted Cruz decided to pull a commercial with a former softcore porn star, but Trump could ride to his rescue.

Marco Rubio Daydreams About Every American’s Sex Lives

Marco Rubio really, really cares about America's sexual morality.

‘Bummed Out’ Rubio Finds Out AFTER Debate That Obama’s Not Running This Time

Marco Rubio finds out too late Obama's not running this time.

Rubio Robot Engineers Program ‘Horrible Thoughts on Rape’ Into His Cerebral Matrix

Marco Rubio's rhetorical programming gets a fundie-approved update.

Marco Rubio Accidentally Conjures Beetlejuice

Senator Marco Rubio accidentally brought a menace of a ghost to the realm of the living.

Engineers Frantically Adding Five New Talking Points to Marco Rubio’s Programming

Engineers work to cram Marco Rubio's brain full of more talking points.
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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