MAGA

Taliban Congratulates MAGA on Overturning Roe Vs Wade

Just hours after Politico broke a bombshell story -- that the Supreme Court had voted in February to strike down Roe vs Wade -- MAGA Americans are being congratulated on their success, though the source of the congratulations might raise a few eyebrows. In...

Trump: Bengals Lost a ‘Rigged’ Super Bowl When Officials Kept Counting the Rams’ Points

https://youtu.be/drebWBypJAo FARTS-A-LOT-THOUGH, FLORIDA -- In his mind, the Cincinnati Bengals won the Super Bowl last night, and former President Donald Trump is lashing out against the NFL for letting the Los Angeles Rams "win a sham and rigged contest" instead....

Stupidfuck Promises to Pardon Dumbfucks Who Attempted Idiotic Coup on His Behalf

This weekend, a defeated former president and confirmed stupidfuck -- who has yet to win the popular vote in any election he's entered -- stoked rage, spewed lies about losing last year's presidential election, and edged his followers toward...

Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

https://youtu.be/HMouPSsFfok Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of red states. According to the NIBCR's newly published report, 80% of males who self-identify as "MAGA" are unable to bring their...

Early Data Shows Justice for J6 Rally Drew Crowd With More Teeth Than IQ Points

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On Saturday, organizers held the "Justice for J6" rally in the nation's capitol where just eight months prior an angry, pro-MAGA mob attempted to subvert democracy and install Donald Trump into a second term as president....

Local Moron Sees Inconvenience as Tyranny

LAKE SKIPPY, TENNESSEE -- Jack "Dipshit" McPhuckphace is known throughout his sleepy town as a moron. In fact, McPhuckphace is such a moron he's won a prize at the state fair each year for the last two decades for...

Unvaccinated America First Patriot Refuses to Wear a Mask or Condom While Raw-Dogging His Cousin

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- In an interview soon to be published in American ConservaFascist Today, Jethro Bohiggins -- right-wing podcaster, singer/writer -- says he will never wear a mask, or a condom, while having sex with his cousin,...

Patriotic American Rooting For Socialist Countries to Beat U.S. Women’s Soccer Team

WHISTLING DICK LAKE, FLORIDA -- 34-year-old Marcus Palumbo is a self-described "über patriot," and often tells his friends he "bleeds red, white, and blue." The Olympics are a special time for Palumbo, because he loves America so much, and...

Local Man Loves The U.S. So Much He Wants to Install a Permanent Monarch and Execute Millions of Americans

A deranged lunatic and former National Security Adviser told a group of right-wing radical Christian extremists this weekend that is deep, intense, abiding love for the United States of America has inspired within a hope. That hope, this psychotic,...

Gaetz and Greene Form Qu Qlux Qlan

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Rep. Matt Gaetz (Q-FL) and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) have been holding "America First" rallies in the past couple of weeks, trying to yoke the MAGA movement and coalesce it around themselves, ahead of the...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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