John Schnatter

Papa John’s Unveils New “Deep Dish Deep State Pizza”

Flagging sales inspire a new "pizza" variety.

Former Papa John’s CEO Did 40 Days’ Worth of Coke in 30

GRAS RACISTE EN SUEUR RIVER VALLEY, KENTUCKY -- John Schnatter, founder and ousted CEO of pizza chain Papa John's, gave an interview to Bloated Asshole Monthly which was published this week. In it, Mr. Schnatter reveals that in the span of...

Hermain Cain and Ben Carson Are Buying Papa John’s and Renaming It “Uncle Toms”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- Two former Republican presidential candidates -- Hermain Cain and Dr. Ben Carson -- are buying embattled pizza chain Papa John's and giving it a face life, or at least a name change. "Herman and I were discussing...

Richard Spencer Named Papa John’s New Chairman

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- In an attempt fill the vacancy left by outgoing chairman and company founder John Schnatter, pizza purveyor Papa John's has announced they've already found a suitable replacement -- political activist Richard Spencer. Mr. Schnatter's time as CEO,...

Papa John’s Promises Ousting John Schnatter As CEO Will Not Make Pizzas “Any Less Shit-Tastic Or Cardboardrific”

LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY -- The man who is the "Papa" of Papa John's pizza will no longer be the CEO of the company he started back in the 1980's, according to the pizza chain's executive board. Though John Schnatter will...

Papa John’s Briefly Considered Switching to “Less Diarrhea-tastic” Recipe Before Blaming Uppity Blacks for Flagging Sales

"We realized it was actually uppity black people peacefully protesting that was making our pizza taste like shit."
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Musk Unsure Whether to Skip Child Support or Twitter Loan Payment This Month

Recently, billionaire hair plug recipient Elon Musk revealed that he believes Twitter has lost about half its value since...
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