Joe Biden

Biden Plans to Deploy Official Democrat Antifa Squads In the Event of Post-Election Civil Unrest

SCHLANGE LAKE, FLORIDA -- Just after concluding a campaign stop in Florida this morning, Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden told reporters that if he wins the election next week, he'll ensure a "productive and peaceful transition of power" by...

Ivanka: “America Needs the Leadership of Small Hands and Even Smaller Genitals”

OLD BALLS, FLORIDA -- Addressing a rally for her father, held in a small city just a few miles south of Orlando, First Lady Ivanka Trump implored voters to "think about the kinds of hands behind the wheel" of...

To Sidestep Having His Mic Cut, Trump Plans to Share Biden’s Podium

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- President Trump absolutely loves to interrupt and talk over his debate opponents. He did it to Hillary Clinton consistently in their matchups, and he did so in the first debate with former Vice President Joe Biden...

Trump Complains Debate Moderator Will Ask Questions About His Real Record Instead of His Imaginary One

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The President of the United States of America is the most powerful elected position ever created in the history of humanity. President Donald J. Trump told reporters today that he's decided to wield that power by...

Ivanka: “How Come Debates Are the Only Things Daddy Can Pull Out Of?”

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Actual First Lady was, according to several sources close to the situation this afternoon, very confused. Word had just gotten to Ivanka Trump that her father had decided to not participate in the next scheduled...

A Complete List of All the Daughter Lusting White Collar Criminals Who Smoked Nazi Pole During a Presidential Debate

When you're living in historic times, sometimes it's hard to recognize, contemporaneously, just how historic those times might be. ALSO: Eric Finds Daddy’s Next Tax Payment in White House Sofa Cushions For instance, one might presume that a sitting president sucking...

300 lb. Toddler Throws 90-Minute Tantrum

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- A massive, 300-pound orange toddler stood on a stage with former Vice President Joe Biden last night and threw what scholars and historians are calling the longest, most prolonged tantrum in American history. MORE: Eric Finds Daddy’s...

Biden Thanks Orange Garbage Bag Full of Molten, Diarrhea for Preparing Him to Debate Trump

CLEVELAND, OHIO -- Tonight, after months of anticipation, the first presidential debate of the 2020 election season between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump will commence. Both men have reportedly been doing some form of debate...

Well That’s It. The Republicans Have Convinced Me. I am NOT Voting for Hunter Biden!

Editor's Note: The following is an editorial written by the Editor In Chief and Head Fuckwit of The Political Garbage Chute, James "Jambo" Schlarmann. The views and opinions expressed therein absolutely, positively reflect those of this publication, and its ownership, because well,...

Taliban Endorses Judge Amy Coney Barrett for Supreme Court Justice

AFGHANISTAN -- The Taliban have issued the following statement, in their words "fully and completely endorsing fellow Religious Zealot" Judge Amy Coney Barrett to replace the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg on the United States Supreme Court. The Taliban statement...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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