WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the final analysis, President Donald J. Trump says he's "just not convinced" and "can't really understand" how he lost to Sleepy Toe-Teepy-Bo-Beepy-Mo-Meepy Joe Biden, and he's having an extremely difficult time getting over his sad...
SECRET KENYAN SHARIA BUNKER -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump may not want to admit it quite yet, but he lost his reelection bid two weeks ago. Thus far, only one of his campaign's lawsuits has been upheld, and...
A new poll published by Reuters today shows that half of Republicans -- roughly 25-30% of the electorate -- believes that Donald Trump won re-election two weeks ago. This, despite evidence and facts to the contrary. There are no...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous, deluded lying fuck ran for reelection to the highest, most powerful office in all of human history. He lost, rather decisively, as the ballots were fully counted, something...
WINURZ, DELAWARE -- This morning, President-Elect Joe Biden was spotted taking a stroll with his German Shepherd, Major, at a coffee shop just a town or two over from his Delaware home. Biden seemed cheerful, which would comport with...
Let's play a little guessing game! Can you guess, from the hints we give you below, who this person is?
HINT #1: He is the least-popularly elected president of all time!
HINT #2: He has the most votes cast against him...
It took a few days. It took counting millions of mail-in ballots under the pressure of a sea of angry, ignorant masses demanding they stop doing their civic duty. But in the end, it appears as the states of...
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Last night, before the entire nation, a 74 year old toddler claimed victory. However, as facts bear out, he didn't actually win.
"If you count the legal votes, I win," the elderly man-baby howled from the White...
Citizenry of America!
Rejoice! For your goodly King God Emperor, Donald John Trump I, has decreed that today shall be Election Day! Therefore, you are invited and encouraged to take part in the festivities! What other time in your life...
The truth is, despite the punditry class and America's elected officials' high-volume assertions, nobody really knows what the outcome of the 2020 presidential election will be. In less than twenty-four hours, the sun will rise on the day that...
