Joe Biden

Trump Officially Transitions Eric and Don Jr. to Joe Biden

As of the time of publication, this outlet can confirm that the Trump administration has begun the process of legally transitioning the president's least favorite and intelligent sons -- Donald Jr and Eric Trump -- to President-elect Joseph R....

Outgoing President Trump Mulling One More Popular Vote Loss in 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Admitting it publicly will not and cannot change his fate, and within a little over a month's time, Donald John Trump will no longer be the President of the United States. He used to be able...

Heartbroken Trump Boys Think They Have to Call Joe Biden “Daddy” Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- When or if President Donald Trump acknowledges his stinging, definitive defeat at the hands of the U.S. electorate is still a question of much debate and conjecture. However, there are signs within Trump World...

President Finds It Hard To Believe 80 Million Fuckin’ Assholes and Losers Voted For Biden and Not Him

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In the final analysis, President Donald J. Trump says he's "just not convinced" and "can't really understand" how he lost to Sleepy Toe-Teepy-Bo-Beepy-Mo-Meepy Joe Biden, and he's having an extremely difficult time getting over his sad...

Obama Warns Biden Against Tan Suits and Dijon Mustards

SECRET KENYAN SHARIA BUNKER -- Outgoing President Donald J. Trump may not want to admit it quite yet, but he lost his reelection bid two weeks ago. Thus far, only one of his campaign's lawsuits has been upheld, and...

Half of Republicans Think Trump Won Re-election and Santa Claus Will Deliver the Evidence Christmas Eve

A new poll published by Reuters today shows that half of Republicans -- roughly 25-30% of the electorate -- believes that Donald Trump won re-election two weeks ago. This, despite evidence and facts to the contrary. There are no...

Lying Fuck Reminds America The Constitution Says He’s Not Done Lying To Them Until January 21st, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Almost two weeks ago, an unctuous, fatuous, impetuous, deluded lying fuck ran for reelection to the highest, most powerful office in all of human history. He lost, rather decisively, as the ballots were fully counted, something...

Biden Supports Recounts So ‘Americans Can Watch Trump Lose As Many Times As He Wants’

WINURZ, DELAWARE -- This morning, President-Elect Joe Biden was spotted taking a stroll with his German Shepherd, Major, at a coffee shop just a town or two over from his Delaware home. Biden seemed cheerful, which would comport with...

This Big Ol’ Impeached Pile of Whiny Bitch Couldn’t Even Win the Popular Vote Once In Two Tries!

Let's play a little guessing game! Can you guess, from the hints we give you below, who this person is? HINT #1: He is the least-popularly elected president of all time! HINT #2: He has the most votes cast against him...

75 Million Americans Wipe and Flush

It took a few days. It took counting millions of mail-in ballots under the pressure of a sea of angry, ignorant masses demanding they stop doing their civic duty. But in the end, it appears as the states of...
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Experts Agree: Four Out of Five MAGAS Can’t Make Their Cousins Climax

Fascinating new data from the National Institute of Boner and Contraboner Research might be quite devastating for residents of...
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