Joe Biden

Putin Admits He’s Feeling Down About Being a One Term President Installer

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- He's finally had enough time to process it. He didn't want to believe it at first, but there's just no denying it, particularly now that Joe Biden is officially the President of the United States of...

Trump Will Just Sit in the Oval Office and Masturbate to Old Apprentice Tapes While Biden is Sworn-In

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Most people didn't have any notion that soon-to-be-former President Donald J. Trump would attend Joe Biden's inauguration tomorrow. What most people have been speculating about is what he'll do instead. When Biden is sworn in tomorrow, Trump...

Obama Hopes Biden Remembers How to Take Everyone’s Guns, Jobs, and Bibles

UNDISCLOSED SHARIA COMMIE SOCIALIST BUNKER, SOROSLAND -- It's been four long years since Agenda 666 has been implemented, and former President Barack HUSSEIN Obama (D-Kenya) hopes that his old ticketmate, incoming President-elect Joe Biden "remembers his training" and can...

Biden Suggests Injecting Bleach Into Mop Buckets

DELAWARE -- When he said it, the entire room took notice. "Call me crazy, but I think if you're looking to get things really clean when you're doing your mopping, Bub," President-elect Joe Biden told a reporter today, "you might...

Experts Warn the Next Republican Coup Attempt Could Be a Lot Less Stupid

What would happen if there was a coup attempted by one political party in the United States of America after, imagine, they lost the presidency and decided to just keep it by force? For many years, scholars and experts...

Hannity Says Trump Is ‘Still the Manliest Sore Loser Cry Baby Bitch’ He’s Ever Known

With each passing day, President Donald Trump's time in office grows shorter. It started with Election Day, then continued through several recounts. Then, Trump or those supporting his campaign filed -- and lost -- more than 50 lawsuits attempting...

Jim Jordan Wonders if There’s a Connection Between Benghazi, Hillary’s Kill List, Biden’s Election Cheating

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- If it doesn't involve college wrestlers in his care, then Congressman Jim Jordan will be the most tenacious investigator of accused malfeasance anyone has ever seen. Provided that he doesn't have to look into any allegations of...

Trump Officially Transitions Eric and Don Jr. to Joe Biden

As of the time of publication, this outlet can confirm that the Trump administration has begun the process of legally transitioning the president's least favorite and intelligent sons -- Donald Jr and Eric Trump -- to President-elect Joseph R....

Outgoing President Trump Mulling One More Popular Vote Loss in 2024

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Admitting it publicly will not and cannot change his fate, and within a little over a month's time, Donald John Trump will no longer be the President of the United States. He used to be able...

Heartbroken Trump Boys Think They Have to Call Joe Biden “Daddy” Now

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- When or if President Donald Trump acknowledges his stinging, definitive defeat at the hands of the U.S. electorate is still a question of much debate and conjecture. However, there are signs within Trump World...
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Tennessee Man Cleans Up Quickly After Spanking It to Avoid Charges of Attempted Murder

It's not that he would lie around, languishing in the self-extracted afterglow. But now that it seems like the...
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